Jokes and Giggles
Copyright© 2015 by Jack Spratt
Chapter 578
These items is compliments of Mario
A blonde calls her boyfriend and says, “Please come over here and help me. I have a killer jigsaw puzzle, and I can’t figure out how to get it started.”
He asks, “What is it supposed to be when it’s finished?”
The blonde says, “According to the picture on the box, it’s a rooster.”
Her boyfriend decides to go over and help with the puzzle. She lets him in and shows him where she has the puzzle spread all over the table.
He studies the pieces for a moment, then looks at the box, then turns to her and says, “First of all, no matter what we do, we’re not going to be able to assemble these pieces into anything resembling a rooster.”
He takes her hand and says, “Second, I want you to relax, and then...” he sighed, “we’ll put all these Corn Flakes back in the box.”
A priest was driving along and saw a nun on the side of the road. He stopped and offered her a lift which she accepted.
She got in and crossed her legs, forcing her habit to open and reveal a lovely leg.
The priest had a look and nearly had an accident. After controlling the car, he stealthily slid his hand up her leg.
The nun looked at him and immediately said: “Father, remember Psalm 129?”
The priest was flustered and apologized profusely. He forced himself to remove his hand.
Changing gear, he let his hand slide up her leg again.
The nun once again said: “Father, Psalm 129?”
Once again the priest apologized, “Sorry, Sister, but the flesh is weak.”
Arriving at the convent, the nun got out gave him a meaningful glance and went on her way.
Upon his arrival at the church, the priest rushed to retrieve a bible and looked up Psalm 129. It Said, “Go forth and seek, further up, you will find glory.”:)
Two women police dog handlers are on the beat, one says “I’m cold I left my knickers at the station.”
The other one says “let the dog have a sniff of your fanny and he’ll fetch them.”
The dog returned 20 minutes later with her knickers and truncheon two broom handles and 3 of the desk sergeants fingers.
An Englishman, a Scotsman and an Irishman are working on a sky scraper, the Englishman opens his sandwich box and exclaims “Bloody hell, ham and cheese again! I swear, if I have ham and cheese again tomorrow, i’m going to throw myself off this building!”
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