Chapter 573

The Power Of Shrimp

A Catholic nun was sitting on a train opposite a Muslim man wearing a turban, who was eating fresh shrimp. Every time he ate one, he spat the tail in her direction, requiring her to deflect it. He finished the box and threw it out the window. Seeing this, she had enough, and pulled the train’s Emergency Cord. The Muslim looked at her and said, “You’ll get fined $250 for doing that, you stupid, worthless, Infidel, Catholic bitch.” She laughed and said,

“When I cry rape and they smell your fingers, you’ll get 10 years, you towel-headed camel fucker.”

In a busy Parisian café, a Quebecer tourist is sitting alone, enjoying a crème caramel when a Norwegian tourist approaches and strikes up a conversation:

May I sit here?

No problem...

Thank you, very nice...

Are you on vacation?

Yes, I arrived yesterday...

What country are you from?

Norway. You?

From Quebec.

Quebec? I don’t know Quebec...

Quebec ... near the Atlantic, next to Ontario, the Great Lakes...

No, I don’t know these places.

Never mind then, I’m from Canada...

Ah! Canada! Canada I know! So why you tell me you come from Quebec?

Because, my first country is Quebec!

Oh, you were born in Quebec and immigrated to Canada...

No, no, I was born in Quebec and I stayed in Quebec...

Oh, then your father is from Canada?

No, no, my father, my mother, my wife, my dog, everybody, they come from Quebec...

So why you say Canada?

For Christ sake, because you say you don’t know where is Quebec!

OK, but if you say you don’t know Norway ... I don’t say that my country is Japan...

Shit! Canada isn’t Japan. Canada, it’s my country.

Oh, your country is not Quebec anymore?...

My country is Quebec. But my country, it can be Canada too, if the person I’m speaking to not know where is Quebec, Tabarnak!

I don’t understand...

Look, it’s simple: I come from the Province of Quebec, in the country of Canada.

Ok! But I didn’t ask you what Province you’re from, I asked you what Country you’re from. Me, I come from Lofoten region in Norway, but I answer you Norway when you ask me what country I come from...

I know, I’m not stupid, Calisse! But me, when they ask me what country I come from, I answer Quebec. Even if it’s the name of my Province. For me, it’s my Country.

Oh, now I understand. You are a separatist, you want your Quebec province to be your country.