Chapter 570

This One Is Compliments of Bill W.

Little Johnny was in kindergarten and a frustration to his teacher. Every day when the teacher had the children lay their heads down to take a nap little Johnny wandered around the room.

The teacher talked to Johnny and tried to convince him to nap. She told him to lay his head down and think happy thoughts. He continued to wander around.

Then one day when the teacher said nap time Johnny lay his head down and went to sleep.

The teacher was delighted and when naps were over asked Johnny what was different.

He said I thought a happy thought.

The teacher said why didn’t you do that before.

I did not know a happy thought.

What happy thought did you use.

I pretended that I was pregnant.

How did you pick that for an happy thought?

We were eating breakfast this morning and my mother said (John I think I am pregnant again).

Dad said ‘boy, that is a happy thought!!’

This is Compliments of John A.

I saw this a long time ago, still funny

Leo Rosten, the great Jewish writer and authority on Jewish humor, listed ‘revenge over the oppressor by the use of guile or circumstance’ as one of the characteristics of Jewish humor. This is such a story.

Moshe was sitting at the bar staring at his drink when a large, trouble-making biker steps up next to him, grabs his drink and gulps it down in one swig and menacingly says, ‘Thanks, Jew Boy, whatcha gonna to do about it?’ Moshe burst into tears.

“Come on, man,” the biker says, “I didn’t think you’d CRY. I can’t stand to see a man crying. What’s your problem?”

“This is the worst day of my life,” Moshe says. “I’m a complete failure. I was late to a meeting and my boss fired me. When I went to the parking lot, I found my car had been stolen and I don’t have any insurance. I left my wallet in the cab I took home. I found my wife in bed with the postman, then my dog bit me. So I came to this bar to work up the courage to put an end to it all.

I buy a drink; drop a capsule in and sit here watching the poison dissolve; then you show up and drink the whole thing! But enough about me, how’s your day going?”