Chapter 566

This one is compliments of John A.

The Mexican maid asks for a raise.

The wife was very upset about this, and decided to talk to her about the raise.

She asked: “Now Maria, why do you want a pay increase?”

Maria: “Well, Señora, there are tree reasons why I wanna increaze.”

“The first is that I iron better than you.”

Wife: “Who said you iron better than me?

“Maria: “Jor huzban he say so.”

Wife: “Oh yeah?”

Maria: “The second reason eez that I am a better cook than you.”

Wife: “Nonsense, who said you were a better cook than me?”

Maria: “Jor huzban did.”

Wife, increasingly agitated: “Oh he did, did he?”

Maria: “The third reason is that I am better at sex than you in the bed.”

Wife: really boiling now and through gritted teeth “And did my husband say that as well?”

Maria: “No Señora...”The gardener did.”

Wife: “So then, how much did you have in mind?”

Lying around, pondering the problems of the world, I realized that at my age I don’t really give a rat’s arse anymore ... If walking is good for your health, the postman would be immortal ... A whale swims all day, only eats fish, drinks water, but is still fat ... A rabbit runs and hops and only lives 15 years, while a tortoise doesn’t run and does mostly nothing except eat, yet it lives for 150 years.

And they tell us to exercise? I don’t think so!

Now that I’m older, here’s what I’ve discovered:

1. I started out with nothing, and I still have most of it.

2. My wild oats are mostly enjoyed with prunes and all-bran.

3. Funny, I don’t remember being absent-minded

4. Funny, I don’t remember being absent-minded.

5. If all is not lost, then where the heck is it?

6. It was a whole lot easier to get older than it was to get wiser.

7. Some days, you’re the top dog, some days you’re the tree.

8. I wish the buck really did stop here, I sure could use a few of them.

9. Kids in the back seat cause accidents.

10. Accidents in the back seat cause kids.

11. It’s hard to make a comeback when you haven’t been anywhere.

12. The world only beats a path to your door when you’re in the bathroom.

13. If I was meant to touch my toes, they would be on my knees.

14. When I’m finally holding all the right cards, everyone wants to play chess.

15. It’s not hard to meet expenses ... They’re everywhere.

16. The only difference between a rut and a grave is the depth.

17. These days, I spend a lot of time thinking about the hereafter ... I go somewhere to get something, and then wonder what I’m “here after”.

18. Funny, I don’t remember being absent-minded.

19. Have I sent this message to you before ... or did I get it from you?

Have a great day!