Chapter 563

These are compliments of mario

Scientists have discovered woman have the same DNA as shrimps ... Their heads are full of shit, but their pink bits taste lovely.

I’m taking Viagra for my sunburn.

It doesn’t cure it, but it keeps the sheets off my legs.

I told my boss 3 companies were after me and I needed a raise to stay at my present job. He asked which companies were interested ... I said the Gas, Electric & cable.

Had a fight with an erection this morning ... Beat it single handed.

A man joins a very exclusive nudist colony. On his first day, he takes off his clothes and starts to wander around. A gorgeous blonde walks by, and the man immediately gets an erection.

The woman notices his erection, comes over to him and says, ‘Did you call for me?’

The man replies, ‘No, what do you mean?’

She says, ‘You must be new here. Let me explain. It’s a rule here that if you get an erection, it implies you called for me.’

Smiling, she leads him to the side of the swimming pool, lies down on a towel, eagerly pulls him to her and happily lets him have his way with her.

The man continues to explore the colony’s facilities. He enters the sauna and, as he sits down, he farts...

Within minutes, a huge, hairy man lumbers out of the steam-room toward him, ‘did you call for me?’ says the hairy man.

‘No, what do you mean?’ says the newcomer.

‘You must be new, ‘ says the hairy man, ‘it’s a rule that if you fart, it implies that you called for me.’ The huge man easily spins him around, bends him over a bench and has his way with him.

The newcomer staggers back to the colony office, where he is greeted by the smiling, naked receptionist, ‘May I help you?’ she says.

The man yells, ‘Here’s my membership card. You can have the key back and you can keep the £500 membership fee.’

‘But, Sir, ‘ she replies, ‘you’ve only been here for a few hours. You haven’t had the chance to see all our facilities.’

The man replies, ‘Listen lady, I’m 68 years old. I only get an erection once a month. I fart 35 times a day!

This is compliments of John A

Figured you have nothing else to do but read this nonsense Enjoy

Folks, I don’t know if any of this information is vital or essential to your existence, “Stewardesses” is the longest word typed with only the left hand

And “lollipop” is the longest word typed with your right hand.

No word in the English language rhymes with month, orange, silver, or purple.