Chapter 557

Male Blond Jokes!!

A friend told the blond man: “Christmas is on a Friday this year.”

The blond man then said, “Let’s hope it’s not the 13th.”

Two blond men find three grenades, and they decide to take them to a police station.

One asked: “What if one explodes before we get there?”

The other says: “We’ll lie and say we only found two.”

A blond man is in the bathroom and his wife shouts: “Did you find the shampoo?”

He answers, “Yes, but I’m not sure what to do ... it’s for dry hair, and I’ve just wet mine.”

A blond man goes to the vet with his goldfish.

“I think it’s got epilepsy,” he tells the vet.

The vet takes a look and says, “It seems calm enough to me”.

The blond man says, “Wait, I haven’t taken it out of the bowl yet”.

A blond man spies a letter lying on his doormat.

It says on the envelope “DO NOT BEND “.

He spends the next 2 hours trying to figure out how to pick it up.

A blond man shouts frantically into the phone

“My wife is pregnant and her contractions are only two minutes apart!”

“Is this her first child?” asks the Doctor.

“No”, he shouts, “this is her husband!”

A blond man was driving home, drunk as a skunk. Suddenly he has to swerve to avoid a tree, then another, then another.

A cop car pulls him over, so he tells the cop about all the trees in the road.

The cop says, “That’s your air freshener swinging about!”

A blond man’s dog goes missing and he is frantic.

His wife says “Why don’t you put an ad in the paper?”

He does, but two weeks later the dog is still missing.

“What did you put in the paper?” his wife asks.

“Here boy!” he replies...

A blond man is in jail ... Guard looks in his cell and sees him hanging by his feet.

“Just WHAT are you doing?” he asks.

“Hanging myself,” the blond replies.

“It should be around your neck” says the guard.

“I tried that,” he replies, “but then I couldn’t breathe”.

( This one actually makes sense ... well, sort of... )

An Italian tourist asks a blond man: “Why do Scuba divers always fall backwards off their boats?”

To which the blond man replies: “If they fell forward, they’d still be in the boat.”

A guy is walking along Whyte Avenue when he comes across a lamp partially buried in a garbage can.

He picks up the lamp and gives it a rub.

A genie appears and tells him he has been granted one wish.

The guy thinks for a moment and says, “I want to live forever.”

“Sorry,” said the genie, “I’m not allowed to grant eternal life.”

“OK, then, I want to die after the Liberals balance the budget and eliminate the debt.”

“You crafty little bastard,” said the genie.

These Are Compliments of John A

A teenager had just gotten her learners permit, and her parents allowed her to drive them to church. After a hair raising ride, the mother got out of the car and said “thank you”.

“Any time” the daughter said.

The mother replied “I was talking to GOD”.

An efficiency expert concluded his lecture, by advising that this should not be done at home.

“Why not?” asked a member of the audience.

“I watched my wife routine making numerous trips to the stove, table, the refrigerator and cabinets, often carrying one item at a time. I said ‘Honey’ why don’t you try carrying several items at once?”

“Did it save time?” a audience member asked?

“Actually yes it did. It used to take her 20 minutes to do the breakfast and now it only takes me 7.

An older man not in the best of shape, asked a trainer at the gym “I want to impress a beautiful girl, what should I do?”

the trainer replied “try the ATM machine outside”.

A young man at a construction site said he could out-do anyone in a feat of strength.”

After several minutes of this a older worker had a enough and “why don’t you put your money where your mouth is? I will bet a week’s wages that I can haul something in a wheelbarrow over to that building that you will not be able to haul back in the wheelbarrow”

“You are on”

“OK get in the wheelbarrow.”