Chapter 554

These Are Compliments of John A

Is Proofreading A Dying Art?

Man Kills Self Before Shooting Wife and Daughter

This one I caught in the Tribune the other day and called the Editorial Room and asked who wrote this. It took two or three readings before the editor realized that what he was reading was impossible! They put in a correction the next day.

I just couldn’t help but send this along. Too funny.

Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash, Expert Says Really?

Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers Now that’s taking things a bit far Panda Mating Fails; Veterinarian Takes Over What a guy!

Miners Refuse to Work after Death No-good-for-nothing’ lazy so-and-so’s Juvenile Court to Try Shooting Defendant See if that works any better than a fair trial.

War Dims Hope for Peace

I can see where it might have that effect

If Strike Isn’t Settled Quickly, It May Last Awhile

Ya think?

Cold Wave Linked to Temperatures

Who would have thought

Enfield (London) Couple Slain; Police Suspect Homicide

They may be on to something

Red Tape Holds Up New Bridges

You mean there’s something stronger than duct tape?

Man Struck By Lightning: Faces Battery Charge

He probably IS the battery charge

New Study of Obesity Looks for Larger Test Group

Weren’t they fat enough?

Astronaut Takes Blame for Gas in Spacecraft

That’s what he gets for eating those beans.

Kids Make Nutritious Snacks

Do they taste like chicken?

Local High School Dropouts Cut in Half

Chainsaw Massacre all over again

Hospitals are Sued by 7 Foot Doctors

Boy, are they tall!

And the winner is...

Typhoon Rips Through Cemetery; Hundreds Dead

Did I read that right?

Now that you’ve smiled at least once, it’s your turn to spread the stupidity and send this to someone you want to bring a smile to (maybe even a chuckle). We all need a good laugh, at least once a day.

I AM ONLY SENDING THIS TO MY OLD FRIENDS WITH SHARP MINDS

Something for seniors to do to keep those “aging” grey cells active!

1. Johnny’s mother had three children. The first child was named April. The second child was named May ... What was the third child’s name?

2. There is a clerk at the butcher shop, he is five feet ten inches tall and he wears size 13 sneakers ... What does he weigh?

3. Before Mt. Everest was discovered ... what was the highest mountain in the world?

4. How much dirt is there in a hole ... that measures two feet by three feet by four feet?

5. What word in the English Language ... is always spelled incorrectly?

6. Billy was born on December 28th, yet his birthday is always in the summer ... How is this possible?

7. In California, you cannot take a picture of a man with a wooden leg ... Why not?

8. What was the President’s Name ... in 1975?

9. If you were running a race ... and you passed the person in 2nd place, what place would you be in now?

10. Which is correct to say...”The yolk of the egg are white” or “The yolk of the egg is white”?

11. If a farmer has 5 haystacks in one field and 4 haystacks in the other field ... how many haystacks would he have if he combined them all in another field?

ANSWERS BELOW...

Here are the Answers

1. Johnny’s mother had three children. The first child was named April The second child was named May. What was the third child’s name?

Answer: Johnny of course

2. There is a clerk at the butcher shop, he is five feet ten inches tall, and he wears size 13 sneakers. What does he weigh?

Answer: Meat.

3. Before Mt. Everest was discovered, what was the highest mountain in the world?

Answer: Mt. Everest; it just wasn’t discovered yet. [You’re not very good at this are you?]

4. How much dirt is there in a hole that measures two feet by three feet by four feet?

Answer: There is no dirt in a hole.

5. What word in the English Language is always spelled incorrectly?

Answer: Incorrectly

6. Billy was born on December 28th, yet his birthday is always in the summer. How is this possible?

Answer: Billy lives in the Southern Hemisphere

7. In California, you cannot take a picture of a man with a wooden leg. Why not?