Chapter 548

A 5-year-old boy went to visit his grandmother one day. Playing with his toys in her bedroom while grandma was dusting, he looked up and said, ‘Grandma, how come you don’t have a boyfriend now that Grandpa went to heaven?’

Grandma replied, ‘Honey, my TV is my boyfriend. I can sit in my bedroom and watch it all day long. The religious programs make me feel good and the comedies make me laugh ... I’m happy with my TV as my boyfriend.’

Grandma turned on the TV, and the reception was terrible. She started adjusting the knobs, trying to get the picture in focus. Frustrated, she started hitting the backside of the TV hoping to fix the problem.

The little boy heard the doorbell ring, so he hurried to open the door and there stood Grandma’s minister. The minister said, ‘Hello son, is your Grandma home?’

The little boy replied, ‘Yeah, she’s in the bedroom bangin’ her boyfriend.’

The minister fainted.

Now, that’s funny ... I don’t care WHO you are

One for All the Old Codgers!!!!

There was a family gathering, with all generations around the table.

Mischievous teenagers put a Viagra tablet into Grandpa’s drink, and after a while, Grandpa excused himself because he had to go to the bathroom.

When he returned, however, his trousers are wet all over.

‘What happened, Grandpa?’ asked by his concerned children.

‘Well, ‘ he answered, ‘I don’t really know. I had to go to the bathroom. So I took it out and started to pee, but then I saw that it wasn’t mine, so I put it back!’

In my many years I have come to a conclusion that one useless man is a shame, two is a law firm and three or more is a government. John Adams

If you don’t read the newspaper you are uninformed, if you do read the newspaper you are misinformed. Mark Twain

Suppose you were an idiot. And suppose you were a member of government. But then I repeat myself. Mark Twain

I contend that for a nation to try to tax itself into prosperity is like a man standing in a bucket and trying to lift himself up by the handle. Winston Churchill

A government which robs Peter to pay Paul can always depend on the support of Paul. George Bernard Shaw

Foreign aid might be defined as a transfer of money from poor people in rich countries to rich people in poor countries. Douglas Casey, Classmate of Bill Clinton at Georgetown University

Giving money and power to government is like giving whiskey and car keys to teenage boys. P.J. O’Rourke, Civil Libertarian

Government is the great fiction through which everybody endeavors to live at the expense of everybody else. Frederic Bastiat, French economist (1801-1850)

I don’t make jokes. I just watch the government and report the facts. Will Rogers

If you think health care is expensive now, wait until you see what it costs when it’s free! P.J. O’Rourke

In general, the art of government consists of taking as much money as possible from one party of the citizens to give to the other. Voltaire (1764)

Just because you do not take an interest in politics doesn’t mean politics won’t take an interest in you! Pericles (430 BC.)

No man’s life, liberty, or property is safe while the legislature is in session. Mark Twain (1866)

Talk is cheap ... except when government does it. Anonymous

The government is like a baby’s alimentary canal, with a happy appetite at one end and no responsibility at the other. Ronald Reagan

The only difference between a tax man and a taxidermist is that the taxidermist leaves the skin. Mark Twain

What this country needs are more unemployed politicians. Edward Langley, Artist (1928-1995)

A government big enough to give you everything you want is strong enough to take everything you have. Thomas Jefferson