Chapter 542

This One Is Compliments of Joe S

A Harley Biker is riding by the zoo in Washington,

DC when he sees a little girl leaning into the lion’s cage. Suddenly, the lion grabs her by the collar of her jacket and tries to pull her inside to slaughter her, under the eyes of her screaming parents.

The biker jumps off his Harley, runs to the cage and hits the lion square on the nose with a powerful punch.

Whimpering from the pain the lion jumps back letting go of the girl, and the biker brings the girl to her terrified parents, who thank him endlessly. A reporter has watched the whole event.

The reporter addressing the Harley rider says, ‘Sir, this was the most gallant and bravest thing I’ve seen a man do in my whole life.’ The Harley rider replies, ‘Why, it was nothing, really. The lion was behind bars. I just saw this little kid in danger, and acted as I felt right.’ The reporter says, ‘Well, I’ll make sure this won’t go unnoticed. I’m a journalist, you know, and tomorrow’s paper will have this story on the front page. So, what do you do for a living, and what political affiliation do you have?’ The biker replies

“I’m a U.S. Marine, and a Republican”.

The journalist leaves.

The following morning the biker buys the paper to see if it indeed brings news of his actions, and reads, on the front page:

U.S. MARINE ASSAULTS AFRICAN IMMIGRANT AND STEALS HIS LUNCH

This Group Is Compliments of Web_Magician, You Many Note He Is Not a Fan of Lawyers!!

Q: How many lawyers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

A1: How many do you want it to take?

A2: Three, One to climb the ladder. One to shake it. And one to sue the ladder company.

Q: What do dinosaurs and decent lawyers have in common?

A: They’re both extinct.

Q: What do you call 25 attorneys buried up to their chins in cement?

A1: A good start

A2: Not enough cement.

Q: What do you call a number of skydiving lawyers?

A: Skeet.

Q: What do you call a lawyer gone bad.

A1: Your Honor.

A2: Mayor

A3: Govenor

A4: Senator.

Q: What do you throw to a drowning lawyer?

A: His partners.

Q: What does a lawyer get when you give him Viagra?

A: Taller

Q: What’s brown and looks really good on a lawyer?

A: A Doberman.

Q: What’s the difference between a lawyer and a liar?

A: The pronunciation.

Q: What’s the difference between a lawyer and a prostitute?

A: A prostitute will stop screwing you when you’re dead.

Q: What’s the difference between a lawyer and a vulture?

A: The lawyer gets frequent flyer miles.

Q: What’s the difference between a mosquito and a lawyer?

A: One is a blood-sucking parasite, the other is an insect.

Q: Why did God make snakes just before lawyers?

A: To practice.

Q: What’s the difference between a lawyer and a herd of buffalo?

A: The lawyer charges more.

Q: What’s the difference between a tick and a lawyer?

A: The tick falls off when you are dead.

Q: What do you get when you cross a blonde and a lawyer?

A: I don’t know. There are some things even a blonde won’t do.

Q: Know how copper wire was invented?

A: Two lawyers were fighting over a penny.

Q: Why does the law society prohibit sex between lawyers and their clients?

A: To prevent clients from being billed twice for essentially the same service.

Q: What can a goose do, a duck can’t, and a lawyer should?

A: Stick his bill up his ass.

Q: How can you tell when a lawyer is lying?

A: Their lips are moving.

Q: Why did New Jersey get all the toxic waste and California all the lawyers?

A: New Jersey got to pick first.

Q: Why don’t lawyers go to the beach?

A: Cats keep trying to bury them.

Q: What do you call 5000 dead lawyers on a sinking cruise ship?

A1: A good start

A2: Not enough lawyers

(This goes with the above joke)

Q: What do you call the three empty chairs on deck 3?

A: A crying shame