Chapter 541

This item is compliments of Pepere

Once upon a time three Lieutenants were walking through the woods and suddenly they were standing in front of a huge, wild river. But they desperately had to get to the other side. But how, with such a raging torrent? The first Lieutenant knelt down and prayed to the Lord: “Lord, please give me the strength to cross this river!”

poof

The Lord gave him long arms and strong legs. Now he could swim across the river. It took him about two hours and he almost drowned several times. BUT: he was successful!

The second Lieutenant, who observed this, prayed to the Lord and said: “Lord, please give me the strength AND the necessary tools to cross this river!”

poof

The Lord gave him a tub and he managed to cross the river despite the fact that the tub almost capsized a couple of times.

The third Lieutenant who observed all this knelt down and prayed: “Lord, please give me the strength, the means and the intelligence to cross this river!”

poof

The Lord converted the Lieutenant into a Sergeant. The Sergeant took a quick glance on the map, walked a few meters upstream, and crossed the bridge.

The Following Is Compliments of John A

A guy is driving around the back woods of Montana and he sees a sign in front of a broken down shanty-style house: ‘Talking Dog For Sale ‘He rings the bell and the owner appears and tells him the dog is in the backyard.

The guy goes into the backyard and sees a nice looking Labrador retriever sitting there.

‘You talk?’ he asks.

‘Yep, ‘ the Lab replies.

After the guy recovers from the shock of hearing a dog talk, he says ‘So, what’s your story?’

The Lab looks up and says, ‘Well, I discovered that I could talk when I was pretty young. I wanted to help the government, so ... I told the CIA.

In no time at all they had me jetting from country to country, sitting in rooms with spies and world leaders, because no one figured a dog would be eavesdropping.’

‘I was one of their most valuable spies for eight years running...

But the jetting around really tired me out, and I knew I wasn’t getting any younger so I decided to settle down. I signed up for a job at the airport to do some undercover security, wandering near suspicious characters and listening in.

I uncovered some incredible dealings and was awarded a batch of medals.’

‘I got married, had a mess of puppies, and now I’m just retired.’

The guy is amazed. He goes back in and asks the owner what he wants for the dog.

‘Ten dollars, ‘ the guy says.

‘Ten dollars? This dog is amazing!

Why on earth are you selling him so cheap?’

‘Because he’s a Bullshitter. He’s never been out of the yard’

These are compliments of web_magician

Q: What do you call a smiling, courteous person at a bar association convention?

A: The caterer.

Q: What’s the difference between a female lawyer and a pitbull?