Chapter 536

Telling Him Softly

With a very seductive voice a wife asked her husband, “Have you ever seen Twenty Dollars all crumpled up?”

“No” said her husband.

She gave him a sexy little smile, unbuttoned the top three buttons of her blouse and slowly reached down in her cleavage, created by a soft, silky, pushup bra, and, pulled out a crumpled Twenty Dollar bill.

He took the crumpled Twenty Dollar bill from her and smiled approvingly.

She then asked, “Have you ever seen Fifty Dollars all crumpled up?”

“No I haven’t,” he said with an anxious tone in his voice.

She gave him another sexy little smile, unzipped her skirt, letting it drop to the floor and seductively reached into her panties and pulled out a crumpled Fifty Dollar bill.

He took the crumpled Fifty Dollar bill and started breathing a little quicker with anticipation.

“Now,” she said, “Have you ever seen 50,000 Dollars all crumpled up?”

“No way!” he said, becoming even more aroused and excited to which she replied:

“Go look in the garage”

Compliments of the First Earl of Ucolta.

Extracted from the diary of an Englishman:

August 31

Just got transferred with work from grey old London to our new home in Newman, Western Australia. Now this is a town that knows how to live!

Beautiful, sunny days and warm, balmy evenings. I watched the sunset from a deckchair by the pool yesterday. It was beautiful. I’ve finally found my new home. I love it here.

September 13

Really heating up now. It got to 31 today. No problem though. Living in air-conditioned home, driving air-conditioned car. What a pleasure to see the sun every day like this.

I’m turning into a sun-worshipper.

September 30th

Had the back yard landscaped with tropical plants today. Lots of palms and rocks. No more mowing lawns for me. Another scorcher today, but I love it here.

October 10th

The temperature hasn’t been below 35 all week. How do people get used to this kind of heat? At least today it’s windy though. Keeps the flies off a bit. Acclimatising is taking longer than I expected.

October 15th

Fell asleep by the pool yesterday. Got third degree burns over 60% of my body. Missed three days of work. What a dumb thing to do! Got to respect the ol’ sun in a climate like this.

October 20th

Didn’t notice Kitty (our cat) sneaking into the car before I left for work this morning.

By the time I got back to the car after work, Kitty had died and swollen up to the size of a shopping bag and stuck to the upholstery. The car now smells like Whiskettes and cat poo. I’ve learned my lesson though: no more pets in this heat.

October 25

This wind is a bastard. It feels like a giant freakin’ blow dryer. And it’s hot as hell!

The home air conditioner is on the blink and the repair man charged $200 just to drive over and tell me he needs to order parts from freakin’ Perth.

October 30th

The temperature’s up around 40 and the parts still haven’t arrived for the freakin’ aircon.

Been sleeping outside by the pool for three nights now. Bloody $800,000 house and we can’t even go inside. Why the hell did I ever come here?

November 4

Finally got the ol’ aircon fixed. It cost $1,500 and gets the temperature down to around 25 degrees, but the humidity makes it feel about 30. Stupid repairman.

November 8