Chapter 534

A motorcycle police officer stops a driver for jumping a red light.

The driver is a real jerk, steps out of his car and comes striding toward the officer, demanding to know why he is being harassed by the Gestapo!

So the officer calmly tells him of the red light offence. The motorist instantly goes on a tirade, questioning the officer’s ancestry, sexual orientation, etc., in rather explicit offensive terms.

The tirade goes on and on without the officer saying anything.

When the officer finishes writing the ticket he puts an “AH” in the lower right corner of the narrative portion of the ticket.

He then hands it to the ‘violator’ for his signature. The guy signs the ticket angrily, and when presented with his copy points to the “AH” and demands to know what it stands for.

The officer says, “That’s so when we go to court, I’ll remember that you’re an asshole!”

Two months later they’re in court. The ‘violator’ has a bad driving record with a high number of points and is in danger of losing his license, so he hired a lawyer to represent him.

On the stand the officer testifies to seeing the man run through the red light.

Under cross examination the defense attorney asks;

“Officer is this a reasonable facsimile of the ticket that you issued to my client?”

The Officer responds, “Yes, sir, that is the defendant’s copy, his signature and mine, same number at the top.”

Lawyer: “Officer, is there any particular marking or notation on this ticket you don’t normally make?”

Officer: “Yes, sir, in the lower right corner of the narrative there is an “AH,” underlined.”

“What does the “AH” stand for, officer?”

“Aggressive and hostile, Sir.”

“Aggressive and hostile?”

“Yes, Sir.

“Officer, are you sure it doesn’t stand for asshole?”

“Well, sir, you know your client better than I do!”

How often does a lawyer get to convict his own client?

This one is compliments of Bill

Two Irish men were digging a ditch in the red light district of town. The ditch was deep enough that when they stood their eyes were just above the side of the ditch.

Mike stood up and gazed down the street.

Spike, Spike, Would look at this.

Down the street that is Reverend Brown going into that bawdy house. Tis a terrible shame for a man of the cloth to patronize such a place.

So saying they went back to work. About ten minutes later, Spike stood looked down the street. Mike, Mike look at this.

That is Rabi Finklestien going into the same bawdy house. It’s just such sad thing for a man of the cloth to behave like this.

So saying they returned to work.

Twenty minutes later. They both stood to rest their backs. Looking down the street both saw

Father O Reilly entering the same establishment.

They looked silently at each other.

Mike said, “There must sure be someone very sick in there.”