Chapter 533

These are compliments of Duel Writer

Amazing how your values change as you age!

An elderly lady was standing at the railing of the cruise ship holding her hat tight so that it would not blow away in the wind.

A gentleman approached her and said, “Pardon me, madam ... I do not intend to be forward but did you know that your dress is blowing up in this high wind?”

“Yes, I know,” said the lady. “I need both my hands to hold onto this hat.”

“But madam, you must know that you are not wearing any panties and your privates are exposed!” said the gentleman in earnest.

The woman looked down, then back up at the man and replied, “Sir, anything you see down there is 75 years old.

I just bought this hat yesterday!”

Gotta love older people!

While Peter was sunbathing naked at the beach at Noosa, for the sake of civility, and to keep it from getting sunburned, he had a hat over his private parts.

A woman walks past and says, snickering, “If you were a gentleman, you’d lift your hat.”

He raised an eyebrow and replied, “Madam, if you were better looking, it would lift itself.”

By the time a man is wise enough to watch his step, he’s too old to go anywhere.

Old age is when you have stopped growing at both ends, and have begun to grow in the middle.

Old age is having a choice of two temptations and choosing the one that will get you home earlier.

A man has reached old age when he is cautioned to slow down by his Doctor instead of by the police.

Don’t worry about avoiding temptation. As you grow older, it will avoid you.

You’re getting old when you don’t care where your spouse goes, just as long as you don’t have to go along.

The following is compliments of Gary Some Redneck Humor

REDNECK VASECTOMY

After having their 11th child, an Alabama couple decided that was enough, as they could not afford a larger bed.

So the husband went to his veterinarian and told him that he and his cousin didn’t want to have any more children.

The doctor told him that there was a procedure called a vasectomy that could fix the problem but that it was expensive. “A less costly alternative,” said the doctor, “is to go home, get a cherry bomb,” (fireworks are legal in Alabama) “light it, put it in a beer can, then hold the can up to your ear and count to 10.”

The Alabaman said to the doctor, “I may not be the smartest tool in the shed, but I don’t see how putting a cherry bomb in a beer can next to my ear is going to help me.”

“Trust me,” said the doctor.