Jokes and Giggles
Copyright© 2015 by Jack Spratt
Chapter 530
Always trying to keep my friends informed and politically correct.
Due to the climate of political correctness now pervading America, let it be known that Kentuckians, Tennesseans and West Virginians will no longer be referred to as ‘HILLBILLIES.’
You must now refer to them as APPALACHIAN-AMERICANS. And furthermore,
HOW TO SPEAK ABOUTWOMENAND BE POLITICALLY CORRECT:
1. She is not a ‘BABE’ or a ‘CHICK’ - She is aBREASTED AMERICAN. ‘
2. She is not ‘EASY’ - She is ‘HORIZONTALLY ACCESSIBLE.’
3. She is not a ‘DUMB BLONDE’ - She is a ‘LIGHT-HAIRED DETOUR OFF THE INFORMATION SUPERHIGHWAY.’
4. She has not ‘BEEN AROUND’ - She is a ‘PREVIOUSLY-ENJOYED COMPANION.’
5. She does not ‘NAG’ you - She becomes ‘VERBALLY REPETITIVE.’
6. She is not a ‘TWO-BIT HOOKER’ - She is a ‘LOW COST PROVIDER.’
HOW TO SPEAK ABOUTMENAND BE POLITICALLY CORRECT:
1. He does not have a ‘BEER GUT’ - He has developed a ‘LIQUID GRAIN STORAGE FACILITY.’
2. He is not a ‘BAD DANCER’ - He is ‘OVERLY CAUCASIAN.’
3 ... He does not ‘GET LOST ALL THE TIME’ - He ‘INVESTIGATES ALTERNATIVE DESTINATIONS.’
4. He is not ‘BALDING’ - He is in ‘FOLLICLE REGRESSION.’
5. He does not act like a’TOTAL ASS’- He develops a case of RECTAL-CRANIAL INVERSION.’
(Loved this one!)
6. It’s not his’CRACK’you see hanging out of his pants - It’s ‘TROUSER CLEAVAGE.’
This is likely a repeat but it is worth a re-read
“As good as this bar is,” said the Scotsman, “I still prefer the pubs back home. In Glasgow, there’s a wee place called McTavish’s.
The landlord goes out of his way for the locals. When you buy four drinks, he’ll buy the fifth drink.”
“Well, Angus,” said the Englishman, “at my local pub in London, the Red Lion, the barman will buy you your third drink after you buy the first two.”
“Ahhh, dat’s nothin’,” said the Irishman, “back home in me favourite pub, the moment you set foot in the place, they’ll buy you a drink, then another, all the drinks you like, actually. Then, when you’ve had enough drinks, they’ll take you upstairs and see dat you gets laid, all on the house!”
To read the complete story you need to be logged in:
Log In or
Register for a Free account
(Why register?)
* Allows you 3 stories to read in 24 hours.