Chapter 527

This group is compliments of the Magician...

A WOMAN’S PERFECT BREAKFAST...

She’s sitting at the table with her gourmet coffee and eggs Benedict...

Her son is on the cover of the Wheaties box.

Her daughter is on the cover of Business Week.

Her boyfriend is on the cover of Playgirl.

And her husband is on the back of the milk carton.

A WOMEN’S REVENGE

I’m a senior checker at the local market.

One day, a lady who is a regular customer was fumbling in her purse for her wallet and I noticed a remote control for a television set.

“So, do you always carry your TV remote?” I asked.

“No,” she replied, “but my husband refused to come shopping with me, and I figured this was the most evil thing I could do to him legally.”

UNDERSTANDING WOMEN (A MAN’S PERSPECTIVE)

I know I’m never going to understand women.

I’ll never understand how you can take boiling hot wax, pour it onto your upper lip or your legs, rip the hair out by the roots, and still be afraid of a tiny spider.

MARRIAGE SEMINAR

While attending a Marriage Seminar dealing with communication, Tom and his wife Grace listened to the instructor say “It is essential that husbands and wives know each other’s likes and dislikes.”

The instructor addressed the men: “Can you name your wife’s favorite flower?”

Tom leaned over, touched his wife’s arm gently and whispered, “It’s Pillsbury, isn’t it?”

He woke up an hour later.

CIGARETTES AND TAMPONS

A man walks into a pharmacy and wanders up & down the aisles...

The sales girl notices him and asks him if she can help him.

He answers that he is looking for a box of tampons for his wife...

She directs him down the correct aisle.

A few minutes later, he deposits a huge bag of cotton balls and a ball of string on the counter.

She says, confused, ‘Sir, I thought you were looking for some tampons for your wife?

He answers, “You see, it’s like this, yesterday, I sent my wife to the store to get me a carton of cigarettes, and she came back with a tin of tobacco and some rolling papers; cause it’s sooo-ooo--oo-ooo much cheaper.

“So, I figure if I have to roll my own ... so does she.”

WIFE VS. HUSBAND

A couple drove down a country road for several miles, not saying a word.