Chapter 526

This One Is Compliments of David M

YOU KNOW YOU LIVE IN ARIZONA WHEN:

You’ve signed so many petitions to recall governors that you can’t remember the name of the incumbent.

You notice your car overheating before you drive it.

You can say Hohokam and people don’t think you’re laughing funny.

You no longer associate bridges (or rivers) with water.

You see more irrigation water on the street than there is in the Salt River.

You know a swamp cooler is not a happy hour drink.

You can say 115 degrees without fainting.

You can be in the snow, then drive for an hour and it will be over 100 degrees.

You have to go to a fake beach for some fake waves.

You discover, in July, that it only takes two fingers to drive your car.

You can make sun tea instantly.

You run your air conditioner in the middle of winter so you can use your fireplace.

You notice the best parking place is determined by shade instead of distance.

You realize that Valley Fever isn’t a disco dance.

Hotter water comes from the cold water tap than the hot one.

You can (correctly) pronounce the words:

‘Saguaro, ‘Tempe, ‘Gila Bend, ‘San Xavier, ‘Canyon de Chelly, ‘Mogollon Rim, ‘Cholla, and

‘Tlaquepaque.

It’s noon in July, kids are on summer vacation, and not one person is moving on the streets.

You actually burn your hand opening the car door.

Sunscreen is sold year round, kept at the front of the checkout counter, a formula less than 30 spf is a joke, and you wear it just to go to Circle K.

Some fool can market mini-misters for joggers and some other fools will actually buy them.

Hot air balloons can’t go up, because the air outside is hotter than the air inside.

No one would dream of putting vinyl upholstery in a car.

You can understand the reason for a town named

‘Why!’.

This One Is Compliments of John A. I bet you can guess which country he lives in!!!!

A tourist walked into a Chinese curio shop in San Francisco. While looking around at the exotic merchandise, he noticed a very lifelike, life-sized, bronze statue of a rat. It had no price tag, but was so incredibly striking the tourist decided he must have it. He took it to the old shop owner and asked, “How much for the bronze rat?”

“Ahhh, you have chosen wisely! It is $12 for the rat and $100 for the story,” said the wise old Chinaman.

The tourist quickly pulled out twelve dollars. “I’ll just take the rat, you can keep the story”.

As he walked down the street carrying his bronze rat, the tourist noticed that a few real rats had crawled out of the alleys and sewers and had begun following him down the street. This was a bit disconcerting so he began walking faster.

A couple blocks later he looked behind him and saw to his horror the herd of rats behind him had grown to hundreds, and they began squealing. Sweating now, the tourist began to trot toward San Francisco Bay.

Again, after a couple blocks, he looked around only to discover that the rats now numbered in the MILLIONS, and were squealing and coming toward him faster and faster.

Terrified, he ran to the edge of the Bay and threw the bronze rat as far as he could into the Bay.

Amazingly, the millions of rats all jumped into the Bay after the bronze rat and were all drowned.

The man walked back to the curio shop in Chinatown.

“Ahhh,” said the owner, “You come back for story?”

“No sir,” said the man, “I came back to see if you have a bronze Democrat.

I bet you didn’t see that one coming.