Jokes and Giggles
Copyright© 2015 by Jack Spratt
Chapter 525
This one is compliments of Al:
Confucius Did Not Say:
Man who wants pretty nurse must be patient.
Passionate kiss, like spider web, leads to undoing of fly.
Lady who goes camping with man must beware of evil intent.
Squirrel who runs up woman’s leg will not find nuts.
Man who leaps off cliff jumps to conclusion.
Man who runs in front of car gets tired, but man who runs behind car gets exhausted.
Man who eats many prunes get good run for money.
War does not determine who is right; it determines who is left.
Man who fights with wife all day get no piece at night.
It takes many nails to build a crib, but only one screw to fill it.
Man who drives like hell is bound to get there.
Man who stands on toilet is high on pot.
Wise man does not keep sledge hammer and slow computer in same room.
Man who lives in glass house should change clothes in basement.
And, Confucius Did Not Say...
“A lion will not cheat on his wife, but a Tiger Wood!”
This One Is Compliments of Gary:
A Frenchwoman took her little daughter to the Louvre where they saw a statue of a nude male. “What is that?” asked the child pointing to the penis. “Nothing, nothing at all, Cherie,” replied the mother. “I want one,” said the child. The mother tried to focus her daughter’s attention on a more suitable subject, but the little girl persisted. “I want one just like that,” she kept repeating. At last the mother said, “If you are a good girl and stop thinking about it now, when you grow up, you will have one.” “And if I’m bad?” asked the little one.
“Then,” answered the mother, “You will have many.”
“Hello, is this the Sheriff’s Office?”
“Yes. What can I do for you?”
“I’m calling to report ‘bout my neighbor Virgil Smith ... He’s hidin’ marijuana inside his firewood! Don’t quite know how he gets it inside them logs, but he’s hidin’ it there.”
“Thank you very much for the call, sir.”
The next day, the Sheriff’s Deputies descend on Virgil’s house. They search the shed where the firewood is kept. Using axes, they bust open every piece of wood, but find no marijuana. They sneer at Virgil and leave.
Shortly, the phone rings at Virgil’s house.
“Hey, Virgil! This here’s Floyd ... Did the Sheriff come?”
To read the complete story you need to be logged in:
Log In or
Register for a Free account
(Why register?)
* Allows you 3 stories to read in 24 hours.