Chapter 517

From an American Reader:

I vote democrat because

#10. I love the fact that I can now marry whatever I want. I’ve decided to marry my German Shepherd.

#9. I vote Democrat because I believe oil companies’ profits of 4% on a gallon of gas are obscene, but the government taxing the same gallon at 15%+ isn’t.

#8. I vote Democrat because I believe the government will do a better job of spending the money I earn than I would.

#7. I vote Democrat because Freedom of Speech is fine as long as nobody is offended by it.

#6. I vote Democrat because I’m way too irresponsible to own a gun, and I know that my local police are all I need to protect me from murderers and thieves. I am also thankful that we have a 911 service that gets police to your home in order to identify your body after a home invasion.

#5. I vote Democrat because I’m not concerned about millions of babies being aborted so long as we keep all death row inmates alive and comfy.

#4. I vote Democrat because I think illegal aliens have a right to free health care, education, and Social Security benefits and we should take away Social Security from those who paid into it.

#3. I vote Democrat because I believe that businesses should not be allowed to make profits for themselves. They need to break even and give the rest away to the government for redistribution as the Democrat Party sees fit.

#2. I vote Democrat because I believe liberal judges need to rewrite the Constitution every few days to suit fringe kooks who would never get their agendas past the voters.

And The

#1 reason I vote Democrat is because I think it’s better to pay $billions of dollars $ for oil to people who hate us, but not drill our own because it might upset some endangered beetle, gopher or fish here in America. We don’t care about the beetles, gophers, or fish in those other countries.

Also...

The best description of Obamacare so far:

Remember when Nancy Pelosi said: “We have to pass it, to find out what’s in it.”

A physician called into a radio show and said: “That’s the definition of a stool sample.”

This little blurb is compliments of John from the land down under

Cage fighting

I won my first cage fight yesterday ... budgie never knew what hit it!

This one is compliments of the ‘Shy One’

Cowboy Logic

An old cowboy walks into a barbershop in Red Lodge, Montana for a shave and a haircut. He tells the barber he can’t get all his whiskers off because his cheeks are wrinkled from age.

The barber gets a little wooden ball from a cup on the shelf and tells the old cowboy to put it inside his cheek to spread out the skin. When he’s finished, the old cowboy tells the barber that was the cleanest shave he’d had in years, but he wanted to know what would have happened if he had accidentally swallowed the little ball.

The barber replied, just bring it back in a couple of days like everyone else does.

AUSTRALIAN TELEPHONE GREETING

Wouldn’t it be amazing, if this was to be introduced in the UK and Canada.

This is the actual message you get when you phone the Australian social services/benefit office! Fantastic...

‘GOOD MORNING, WELCOME TO “CENTRELINK”

THE AUSTRALIAN SOCIAL SERVICES AND BENEFITS OFFICE’

“Press ‘1’ if you speak English.”

‘‘Press ‘ 2 ‘ to disconnect until you can ... Have a nice day.”

If you agree ... keep it going.