Chapter 514

ACTS 2:38

You gotta love compassionate Christian Seniors.

A woman had just returned to her home from an evening of church services, when she was startled to see an intruder there.

She caught the man in the act of robbing her home of its valuables and yelled: ‘Stop! Acts 2:38!’ (Repent and be Baptized, in the name of Jesus Christ, so that your sins may be forgiven.)

The burglar stopped in his tracks. The woman calmly called the police and explained what she had done.

As the officer cuffed the man to take him in, he asked the burglar, “Why did you just stand there? All the old lady did was yell a scripture to you.”

“Scripture?” replied the burglar. “She said she had an Axe and Two 38s!

Remember. Knowing scripture can save your life :)

This one is compliments of Threesheets

Mrs Bumphuquin was meeting with the mortician, making final arrangements for her husband.

After discussing the clothes that she wanted her departed spouse to wear, she said, “I want you to remove his penis and stick it right up his ass.”

The mortician was shocked at hearing this unusual request and asked, “Mrs Bumphuquin are you sure? That is a most bizarre request.”

Mrs Bumphuquin was not to be denied and said, “If you can’t do it, I’m sure I can find another who will.”

The mortician said, “Ok, but it is strange.”

Morticians do have a sense of humor so upon completing the request, he took a bit of vaseline and formed a tear drop on Mr Bumphuquin’s cheek.

The next day during the pre viewing, Mrs Bumphuquin, seeing the tear on his cheek, said, “See you son of a bitch, I told you it hurt!”