Chapter 513

This one is compliments of Dom

Some people have no respect for age unless it’s bottled.

One parent to another. “Where’s the best place to find bedtime stories?”

“Read the local motel register.”

A cockney dude strolling in the Soho during a very breezy day tips his hat politely to an attractive young lady who happens to be struggling to hold down her skirt in the wind.

“Airy, ain’t it?”

“What the ‘ell did you expect? Feathers?”

This one is compliments of Pepere

I was sitting on the edge of the bed, watching my wife, Julie, who was looking at herself in the mirror. I asked what she’d like to have for her birthday since it wasn’t far off.

“I’d like to be eight again,” she replied, still looking in the mirror.

On the morning of her birthday, I arose early, made her a nice big bowl of Coco Pops, and then took her to Adventure World theme park.

What a day!

I put her on every ride in the park; the Death Slide, the Wall of Fear, the Screaming Roller Coaster, everything there was.

We staggered out of the theme park five hours later. Her head was reeling and her stomach felt upside down. I then took her to a McDonald’s and ordered her a Happy Meal with extra fries and a chocolate shake.

Then it was off to a movie, popcorn, a soda pop, and her favorite candy, M&Ms. What a fabulous adventure!

She finally wobbled home and collapsed into bed exhausted.

I leaned over my wife & with a big smile lovingly asked, “Well, Dear, what was it like being eight again?”

Her eyes slowly opened and her expression suddenly changed.

“I meant my dress size, you @#! idiot!!!”

The moral of the story: Even when a man is listening, he is gonna get it wrong!!!

This one is compliments of john a

Some men carry and handle their diplomacy better than others. When former U.S. Military commander in Afghanistan, General McChrystal, was called into the Oval Office by Barack Obama, he knew things weren’t going to go well when the President accused him of not supporting him in his political role as President.

“It’s not my job to support you as a politician, Mr. President, it’s my job to support you as Commander-in-Chief,” McChrystal replied, and he handed Obama his resignation.

Not satisfied with accepting McChrystal’s resignation, the President made a cheap parting shot. “I bet when I die you’ll be happy to piss on my grave.”

The General saluted and said, “Mr. President, I always told myself after leaving the Army I’d never stand in line again.”