Chapter 507

A comment from the ‘Shy One’

Duckie’s opinion of social media. (From NCIS fame)

A social cesspool of questionable behavior How true!!!

This is an information piece from the ‘Shy One’ read it with care!!!

Will Canada Build a Wall ... You Bet...

The flood of American liberals sneaking across the border into Canada has intensified in the past week, sparking calls for increased patrols to stop the illegal American immigration. The Republican presidential primary campaign is prompting an exodus among left leaning citizens who fear they’ll soon be required to hunt, pray and live according to the U.S. Constitution and not Executive Orders.

Canadian border farmers say it’s not uncommon to see dozens of sociology professors, global warming activists and green energy proponents crossing their fields at night. “I went out to milk the cows the other day and there was a Hollywood producer huddled in the barn,” said southern Manitoba farmer Red Greenfield, whose farm borders North Dakota. “The producer was cold, exhausted and hungry. He asked me if I could spare a latte and some free range chicken. When I told him I didn’t have any, he angrily left before I even got a chance to show him my screenplay, eh?”

In an effort to stop the illegal American aliens, Greenfield erected higher fences, but the liberals scaled them nonetheless. He then installed 5,000 Watt loudspeakers that blared Rush Limbaugh across the border, but they just keep on coming.

Canadian officials are particularly concerned about American smugglers who meet liberals near the Canadian border, promising them that they will be delivered to safe haven in Canada. They pack them into electric cars and drive them across the border where they are simply left to fend for themselves after the batteries die. “A lot of these people are not prepared for our rugged conditions,” an Ontario border patrolman said. “I found one carload without a single bottle of Perrier drinking water. They did have a nice little Napa Valley Cabernet, though, and some kale chips, but they wouldn’t share.”

When liberals are caught, they’re sent back across the border, often wailing loudly fearing retribution from conservatives, who will make them work instead of providing entitlements. Rumors have been circulating about plans being made to build re-education camps where liberals will be forced to drink domestic beer and study the Constitution.

In recent days, liberals have turned to ingenious ways of crossing the border. Some have been disguised as senior citizens taking a bus trip to buy cheap Canadian prescription drugs. After catching a dozen young vegans in blue-hair wig disguises, Canadian immigration authorities began stopping buses and quizzing the supposed senior citizens about Perry Como and Rosemary Clooney to prove that they were alive in the 1950s. “If they can’t identify the accordion player on the Lawrence Welk Show, we become very suspicious about their age,” the official said.

Canadian citizens have complained that the illegal immigrants are creating an organic broccoli shortage, buying up all the hip hop CDs, and renting all of the Michael Moore movies. “I really feel sorry for American liberals, but the Canadian economy just can’t absorb and support them,” an Ottawa resident said. “How many inept art and history majors does one country need?”

Rumor has it that England is shortly to blow up the Channel Tunnel but that’s another story.

here’s another from pasheeky

AROUND AGE 10, my dad got me one of those little badass long bow beginner kits. Of course, the first month I went around our land sticking arrows in anything that could get stuck by an arrow. (Did you know that a 1955 40-horse Farmall tractor will take six rounds before it goes down? Tough SOB.)

That got boring, so being the ten-year-old Dukes of Hazard fan that I was, I quickly advanced to taking strips of cut up T-shirt doused in chainsaw gas tied around the end and was sending flaming arrows all over the place. Keep in mind this was 99.999% humidity swampland so there really wasn’t any fire danger. I’ll put it this way: a set of post hole diggers and a three-foot hole and you had yourself a well.