Jokes and Giggles
Copyright© 2015 by Jack Spratt
Chapter 500
These are compliments of the ‘Shy One’
Truisms
If I had a dollar for every girl that found me unattractive, they’d eventually find me attractive.
-I find it ironic that the colors red, white, and blue stand for freedom, until they’re flashing behind you.
-Today a man knocked on my door and asked for a small donation towards the local swimming pool, so I gave him a glass of water.
-I changed my password to “incorrect” so whenever I forget it the computer will say, “Your password is incorrect.”
-If you can smile when things go wrong, you have someone in mind to blame.
-Don’t bother telling your problems to anyone - 20 percent don’t care and the other 80 percent are glad you have them.
-Doesn’t expecting the unexpected mean that the unexpected is actually expected?
-Take my advice — I’m not using it.
-I hate it when people use big words just to make themselves sound perspicacious.
-Television may insult your intelligence, but nothing rubs it in like a computer.
-Every time someone comes up with a foolproof solution, along comes a more-talented fool.
-I’ll bet you $4,567 you can’t guess how much I owe my bookie.
-Behind every great man is a woman rolling her eyes.
-A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.
-Ever stop to think and forget to start again?
-My wife got 8 out 10 on her driver’s test--the other two guys managed to jump out of her way.
-Women spend more time wondering what men are thinking than men spend thinking.
-Give me ambiguity or give me something else.
-He who laughs last thinks slowest.
-Is it wrong that only one company makes the game Monopoly?
-Women sometimes make fools of men, but most guys are the do-it-yourself type.
-Sometimes I wake up grumpy; other times I let her sleep.
-If tomatoes are technically a fruit, is ketchup a smoothie?
These are compliments of John A
Why Teachers Drink
The following questions were set in last year’s GED examination. These are genuine answers (from 18 year olds)
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