Chapter 498

This weird submission is compliments of Dorsetmike

Did you hear about the exploding cattle?

It was a bomb in a bull.

This one is compliments of john a

A mean old managing partner died. The firm kept receiving calls for him and the response was “I am sorry but he’s dead.” Was the standard answer.

The receptionist came to suspect that it was the same caller calling over and over. When he called again, she asked who he was and why did he keep calling.

“I used to be one of his junior associates, and I just like to hear you say it.”

This one is compliments of alfclif7

The preacher is having supper with little Johnnie and his family.

Johnnie looking out the window hollers, “There’s a fucking lion out there!”

His dad looks and sees a big dog.

“Johnnie you go to room your and ask God for forgiveness.”

Johnnie is back very quickly.

“Did you get forgiven?”

“Yes Sir, He said it was OK. When he first saw it He thought it was a lion too.”

This one is compliments of john a

Garden Snakes Can Be Dangerous...

Snakes also known as Garter Snakes (Thamnophissirtalis) can be dangerous. Yes, grass snakes, not rattlesnakes. Here’s why.

A couple in Sweetwater, Texas, had a lot of potted plants. During a recent cold spell, the wife was bringing a lot of them indoors to protect them from a possible freeze.

It turned out that a little green garden grass snake was hidden in one of the plants. When it had warmed up, it slithered out and the wife saw it go under the sofa.

She let out a very loud scream.

The husband (who was taking a shower) ran out into the living room naked to see what the problem was. She told him there was a snake under the sofa.

He got down on the floor on his hands and knees to look for it. About that time the family dog came and cold-nosed him on the behind. He thought the snake had bitten him, so he screamed and fell over on the floor.

His wife thought he had had a heart attack, so she covered him up, told him to lie still and called an ambulance.

The attendants rushed in, would not listen to his protests, loaded him on the stretcher, and started carrying him out.

About that time, the snake came out from under the sofa and the Emergency Medical Technician saw it and dropped his end of the stretcher. That’s when the man broke his leg and why he is still in the hospital.

The wife still had the problem of the snake in the house, so she called on a neighbor who volunteered to capture the snake. He armed himself with a rolled-up newspaper and began poking under the couch ... Soon he decided it was gone and told the woman, who sat down on the sofa in relief.