Chapter 497

The Following Are Compliments of John A

Bert, at 85 years old, always wanted a pair of soft spike golf shoes like Freddie Couples, so seeing some on sale after his round, he bought them and he was so delighted with his purchase decided to wear them home to show the misses.

Walking proudly into the house, he sauntered into the kitchen and said to his wife, "Notice anything different about me?"

Margaret at age 83, looked him over and replied, "Nope."

Frustrated as all get out, Bert stormed off into the bathroom, undressed and walked back into the kitchen completely naked except for the new golf shoes. Again he asked Margaret, a little louder this time, "Notice anything different NOW???"

Margaret looked up and said in her best deadpan response, "Bert, what's different? It's hanging down today, it was hanging down yesterday, and it'll be hanging down again tomorrow."

Furious, Bert yells out, "AND DO YOU KNOW WHY IT'S HANGING DOWN, MARGARET?"

"Nope. Not a clue", she replied.

"IT'S HANGING DOWN, BECAUSE IT'S LOOKING AT MY NEW GOLF SHOES!!!

Without missing a beat old Margaret replies, "Shoulda bought a new golf hat"!

Quote: The inventor of the Etch-A-Sketch died last week. His family was shaken, but is now ready to start over. – Chris Illuminati

Joke for Today (A Two-fer):

The minister was shaking everyone's hand as they were leaving the church. An elderly man shook his hand and said "Reverend that was the worst sermon I've ever listened to. It was terrible". As the minister stood there dumbfounded, the old man's wife stepped in, trying to help. "Please don't pay any attention to him, pastor. He doesn't mean it - he just repeats what he hears others say".

A golfer who was known for his bad temper walked into the pro shop one day and plunked down big bucks for a new set of Woods. The staff all watched to see what would happen after he used them for the first time ... more than half expecting he'd come in and demand his money back. But the next time he came in, he was all smiles. "They're the best clubs I've ever had" he said. "In fact, I've discovered I can throw them at least 40 yards farther than I could my last ones".

The Last Word: According to a recent survey, men say the first thing they notice about a woman is her eyes, and the first thing a woman notice about men is that they are a bunch of liars.