Chapter 490

This one is compliments of John:

A husband and wife who work for the circus go to an adoption agency.

Social workers there raise doubts about their suitability.

The couple produces photos of their 50-foot motor home, which is clean and well maintained and equipped with a beautiful nursery.

The social workers raise concerns about the education a child would receive while in the couple's care.

"We've arranged for a full-time tutor who will teach the child all the usual subjects along with French, Mandarin, and computer skills."

Then the social workers express concern about a child being raised in a circus environment.

"Our nanny is a certified expert in paediatric care, welfare, and diet."

The social workers are finally satisfied. They ask, "What age child are you hoping to adopt?"

"It doesn't really matter, as long the kid fits in the cannon."

This is compliments of Mikey

A woman in a hot air balloon realized she was lost. She reduced altitude and spotted a man below. She descended a bit more and shouted:

"'Excuse me, can you help me? I promised a friend

I would meet him an hour ago but I don't know where I am". The man below replied "You're in a hot air balloon hovering approximately 30 feet above the ground. You're between 40 and 41 degrees north latitude and between 59 and 60 degrees west longitude".

"You must be a technician." said the balloonist.

"I am" replied the man "how did you know?" "Well," answered the balloonist, "everything you have told me is probably technically correct, but I've no idea what to make of your information and the fact is, I'm still lost. Frankly, you've not been much help at all. If anything, you've delayed my trip with your talk."

The man below responded, "You must be in management".

"I am" replied the balloonist, "but how did you know?"

"Well," said the man "First, you don't know where you are and you didn't plan ahead and learn anything about navigation or the relevant tools.

In fact you don't even have an idiot consumer grade GPS."

"Second, you don't know where you're going. You are going wherever the winds and the climate take you."

"Third, you have risen to where you are, due to a large quantity of hot air, all of which was generated by and paid for by others."

"Fourth, you made a promise, which you have no idea how to keep, you had no plans on finding out in advance, and you expect a number of people all of which are below you to solve your current problems."

"And lastly, you are in exactly the same position you were in before we met, but now, somehow, in your mind it's my effing fault - and you haven't a clue who to blame!!!"