Jokes and Giggles
Copyright© 2015 by Jack Spratt
Chapter 489
These are compliments of John A.
Before you diagnose yourself with depression or low self esteem, make sure you not just surrounded by Ass Holes.
Sigmund Freud
Why did the cows return to the Marijuana? It was the Pot calling the cattle back.
If someone tries to tell you that biscuits and gravy are not a real meal, stop talking to them, nobody needs that type of negativity.
I had a gold fish that could break dance on the carpet, But only for about 20 seconds. And only once.
To do list; list 4 baby pigs numbered 1, 2. 3. 5. then sit back and watch them look for number 4.
There are times when keeping my mouth shut is my greatest achievement.
No matter how big the hammer you cannot beat common sense in to stupid people.
Notice from the state of Montana
To all hikers and campers using this forest, BE WARNED that this area has a large number of bears, both black and grizzly. Due to the frequency of bear encounters, you should wear bells on you clothing or walking stick to warn bears of your coming. Your should also carry pepper spray to use if you are attacked.
You should be alert to bear activity and be able to Tell the difference between Black Bears and Grizzly Bear feces. Black Bear feces will have berries in it and may contain rodent fur. Grizzly Bears has little bells in it and smells like peppers.
Phyllis Dillerisms...
Whatever you may look like, marry a man your own age. As your beauty fades, so will his eyesight.
Phyllis Diller
Housework can't kill you, but why take a chance?
Phyllis Diller
Cleaning house while your kids are growing up is like shovelling the sidewalk before it stops snowing.
Phyllis Diller
The reason women don't play football is because 11 of them would never wear the same outfit in public.
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