Chapter 476

This one is compliments of Ron

CHANCE

An old west town
One dirt street
Boardwalks

Cowboy leaning on a post, whiling away the time.

Indian sitting leaning on the front of the store, Blanket over his shoulders, hat pulled down, looks like he is asleep.

Cute young squaw, coming up the street, wow is she built.

Cowboy is all eyes and a BIG smile.

As she gets about even with the Indian he stands, walks to the edge of the boardwalk, holds up his hand and says “CHANCE!”

She giggles and hurries on down the street and out of sight.

The Indian goes back and sits back down, pulls his blanket back on and his hat down.

Cowboy thinking, walks over to the Indian and nudges his moccasin.

“What’s this chance bit, I thought Indians always say How?”

Indian pulls his hat off, looks up at the cowboy and says “Know how, want CHANCE!”

These are compliments of Anonymous

Some math humour

Pizza math.

You may remember from high-school geometry that the volume of a cylinder of height h and radius r, is the circular area of one of the two end caps (pi times “r squared” - i.e. pi.r.r, where the dot. is used for multiplication), times the height (h) of the cylinder.

So what is the volume of a pizza of thickness a and radius, z?

Well, that would be: pi.z.z.a

When “dub-yah” was president, one day he received a security briefing from defence secretary, Donald Rumsfeld, who had some sad news.

“Mister President, three Brazilian soldiers were killed yesterday while supporting U.S. troops.”

“Oh, my God,” cried President Bush, who then buried his head in his hands. He remained stunned and silent for full minute. Eventually, he looked up, took a deep breath, and asked Rumsfeld:

“How many is a brazillon?”

One day, Jesus said to his disciples: “The Kingdom of Heaven is like two x squared, plus five x, minus six.”

Thomas was confused and asked Peter, “What does the teacher mean?”

Peter replied, “Don’t worry - it’s just another one of his parabolas.”

(This one’s a little more high-brow, and requires some basic knowledge of integral calculus)

Isaac Newton and Gottfried Leibniz are in a pub.

Isaac bemoans the lack of mathematical knowledge among the general public, but Gottfried is more optimistic.

To prove his point, Gottfried waits until Isaac has to go to the privy, and calls the barmaid over. He explains to her that, when Isaac returns, Gottfried is going to ask her a question, and she is to simply reply, “One third x cubed”.

“Wun thud ex whut?” she asks?

Gottfried repeats, but more slowly this time “One ... third ... x ... cubed”. The barmaid seems to get it, more or less, and walks away muttering over and over, “wun thud ex cubed”.

Isaac returns and downs another drink while the argument continues. Eventually, Gottfried calls the barmaid back over and says, “Isaac, let’s try a little experiment.” Then to the barmaid he asks, “Miss, do you mind if I ask you a simple calculus question? What is the integral of x squared?”

The barmaid scratches her head and hesitantly says, “Wun ... thud ... ex cubed.”

Gottfried smiles smugly, but just before the barmaid walks away, she stares at the two mathematicians and adds, “ ... plus a constant!”