Chapter 475

The best story of the year doesn’t give the proper praise and credit for this painful but understandable story as told by a loving wife...

At the end of the Sunday service, the pastor asked if anyone in the congregation would like to express praise for answered prayers. Suzie Smith stood and walked to the podium.

She said, “I have a praise. Two months ago, my husband, Tom, had a terrible bicycle wreck and his scrotum was completely crushed. The pain was excruciating and the doctors didn’t know if they could help him.”

You could hear a muffled gasp from the men as they imagine the pain that poor Tom must have experienced.

“Tom was unable to hold me or the children,” she went on, “and every move there was terrible pain. We prayed as the doctors performed a delicate operation, and it turned out they were able to piece together the crushed remnants wrap wire around it hold it in place.”

Again, the congregation cringed and squirmed uncomfortably as they imagined the horrible Surgery performed on Tom.

“Now,” she announced in a quivering voice, “thank the Lord, Tom is out of the hospital and the doctors say that with time, his scrotum should recover completely.”

All the men sighed with unified relief. The pastor rose and tentatively asked if anyone else had something to say. A man stood up and walked slowly to the podium.

He said, “I’m Tom Smith.”

The entire congregation held its breath.

“I just want to tell my wife the word is sternum.”

A blonde was selling her pet Python on eBay.

A bloke just rang up and asked if it was big.

She said: “It’s massive.”

He said: “How many feet?”

She said: “None - it’s a fuckin snake!”

This one is compliments of a ‘Anonymous’ reader ... whom I thank

I read about a very interesting statistic today.

Statistics can be a real eye-opener, sometimes. You can’t argue with statistics.

Do you consider yourself an average person?

Well, if so you might be interested in this.

Assuming, for the moment, that about 50% of people are women and 50% are men, do you know that, on average, each person has one tit and one testicle?

Statistics don’t lie! :)

So if you’re an average person, enjoy your tit and testicle.

Another statistic:

If you took all the people who regularly fall asleep during a church sermon, and lay them down end-to-end, they would be...

a lot more comfortable than they would be while sleeping in the church pew.