Chapter 465

Golf Thoughts:

The Law of Physics States it's easier to get up at 6:00 AM to play golf than at 10:00 to mow the yard.

A good drive on the 18th hole has stopped many a golfer from giving up the game.

A good golf partner is one who's always slightly worse than you are. That's why I get so many calls to play with friends.

A pro-shop gets its name from the fact that you have to have the income of a professional golfer to buy anything in there.

If your opponent has trouble remembering whether he shot a six or a seven, he probably shot an eight (or worse).

It takes longer to learn good golf than it does to become a brain surgeon. On the other hand, you don't get to ride around on a cart, drink beer, eat hot dogs, and fart if you are performing brain surgery.

These are compliments of Gary:

I am passing this on to you because it definitely worked for me and we all could use more calm in our lives. By following the simple advice I heard on a Dr. Phil show, I have finally found inner peace.

Dr. Phil proclaimed, "The way to achieve inner peace is to finish all the things you've started."

So I looked around my house to see all the things I started and hadn't finished, so, before leaving the house this morning, I finished off a bottle of Merlot, a bottle of White Zinfandel, a bottle of Bailey's, a bottle of Kahlua, a package of Oreos, the remainder of both Prozac and Valium prescriptions, the rest of the cheesecake, some saltines and a box of chocolates.

You have no idea how freaking good I feel. Please pass this on to those you feel are in need of inner peace

An older couple is lying in bed one morning, having just awakened from a good night's sleep. He takes her hand and she responds, "Don't touch me."

"Why not?" he asks.

She answers back, "Because I'm dead."

The husband says, "What are you talking about? We're both lying here in bed together and talking to one another."

She says, "No, I'm definitely dead."

He insists, "You're not dead. What in the world makes you think you're dead?"

"Because I woke up this morning and nothing hurts."