Chapter 378

A fleeing Taliban terrorist, desperate for water, was plodding through the Afghan desert when he saw something far off in the distance.

Hoping to find water, he hurried toward the mirage, only to find a very frail little Jewish man standing at a small makeshift display rack selling ties.

The Taliban terrorist asked, "Do you have water?"

The old man replied, "I have no water. Would like to buy a tie? They are only $5."

The Taliban shouted hysterically, "Idiot Infidel! I do not need such an overpriced western adornment. I spit on your ties. I need water!"

"Sorry, I have none, just ties - pure silk, and only $5."

"Pahh! A curse on your ties! I should wrap one around your scrawny little neck and choke the life out of you, but I must conserve my energy and find water!"

"Okay," said the little old Jewish man. "It does not matter that you do not want to buy a tie from me, or that you hate me, threaten my life, and call me Infidel.

I will show you that I am bigger than any of that. If you continue over that hill to the east for about two miles, you will find a restaurant. It has the finest food and all the ice-cold water you need. Go in peace."

Cursing him again, the desperate Taliban staggered away, over the hill.

Several hours later he crawled back, almost dead, and gasped,

"They won't let me in without a tie"...

As I slipped my finger slowly inside her hole, I could immediately feel it getting wetter and wetter.

I took my finger back out and within seconds she was going down on me.

I thought to myself., "I really need a new fuckin' boat,"

I found myself in a pub in Cork, Ireland. A group of American tourists came in.

One of the Americans said, in a loud voice, "I hear you Irish think you're great drinkers.

I bet $5,000 that no one here can drink 20 pints of Guinness in 30 minutes."

The bar was silent, but the American noticed one Irishman leaving. No one took up the bet.

40 minutes later, the Irishman who left returned and said, "Hey Yank, is yer bet still on?"

"Sure" said the American, "20 pints in 30 minutes for a bet of $5,000."

"Grand, " replied the Irishman, "so pour the pints and start the clock."

It was very close but the last drop was consumed with 2 seconds to spare.

"OK Yank, pay up." said the Irishman.

"I'm happy to pay, here's your money" said the American. "But tell me, when I first offered the wager, I saw you leave. Where did you go?'

"Well sir", replied the Irishman, "$5,000 is a lot of money to a man like me, so I went to the pub across the road to see if I could do it.

This one is compliments of John

Two old men are drinking in a bar. One says, "Did you know that Elk's have sex 10 to 15 times a day?"

"Aww, shit!" says his friend, "and I just joined the Knights of Columbus!"