Chapter 377

Getting Old(er)

Answering machine message,

"I am not available right now, but thank you for caring enough to call.

I am making some changes in my life.

Please leave a message after the beep.

If I do not return your call, you are one of the changes."

I just took a leaflet out of my mailbox, informing me that I can have sex at 66.

I'm so happy, because I live at number 72.

So it's not too far to walk home afterwards.

And it's the same side of the street.

I don't even have to cross the road!

Aspire to inspire before you expire.

My wife and I had words, but I didn't get to use mine.

Frustration is trying to find your glasses without your glasses.

Blessed are those who can give without remembering and take without forgetting.

The irony of life is that, by the time you're old enough to know your way around, you're not going anywhere.

God made man before woman so as to give him time to think of an answer for her first question.

I was always taught to respect my elders, but it keeps getting harder to find one.

Every morning is the dawn of a new error.

The quote of the month is by Jay Leno:

"With hurricanes, tornadoes, fires out of control, mud slides, flooding, severe thunderstorms tearing up the country from one end to another, and with the threat of bird flu and terrorist attacks, are we sure this is a good time to take

God out of the Pledge of Allegiance?"

For those that prefer to think that

God is not watching over us ... go ahead and delete this.

For the rest of us ... pass this on!

This one is compliments fo Anonymous

Donald Trump was having a swimming pool dug in his back yard. At the end of the day, the workers had dug the hole, but hadn't poured any concrete yet.

Just after nightfall Trump saw a dog walk through his back yard, but didn't get a good enough look to know what it was. He thought, "I'll bet that's one of those terrorists from Isil. I'll show them they can't mess with Donald Trump." He picked up a

9 millimeter pistol and went out into his back yard to fight his own private war on terror. He didn't see anyone in his back yard, and decided the terrorist was hiding in the hole that would be his swimming pool. It was to dark to see anything in the hole, but he walked to the edge and emptied a clip into the hole. Then he went back inside and got three more full clips. He came back out and began to empty them into the hole, one by one, As he was emptying his last clip, a police car pulled up, and a policeman asked, "Mr. Trump, what are you doing?"

Why, I'm fighting the terrorist group, Isil," he replied.

The policeman shinned a flashlight into the hole, looked at every part of the pool, and there was no sign of anything but dirt. He turned to his partner and commented, "I guess the dispatcher who sent us over here was right. He said Donald Trump didn't know his Isil from a hole in the ground."