Chapter 369

The Maid

The maid asked for a pay increase. The wife was very upset about this, and decided to talk to her about the raise. She asked: "Now Rosalee, why do you want a pay increase?"

Rosalee: "Well, Ma'am, there are three reasons why I want a increase. The first is that I iron better than you."

Wife: "Who said you iron better than me?"

Rosalee: "Your husband he said so."

Wife: "Oh yeah?"

Rosalee: "The second reason is that I am a better cook than you."

Wife: "Nonsense, who said you were a better cook than me?"

Rosalee: "Your husband did."

Wife, increasingly agitated: "Oh he did, did he?"

Rosalee: "The third reason is that I am better at sex than you in the bed."

Wife, really boiling now and through gritted teeth: "And did my husband say that as well?"

Rosalee: "No Ma'am ... the gardener did."

Wife: "So, how much do you think would be fair?

This is compliments of Gary:

History Lesson

Have a history teacher explain this-- if they can.

Abraham Lincoln was elected to Congress in 1846.

John F. Kennedy was elected to Congress in 1946.

Abraham Lincoln was elected President in 1860.

John F. Kennedy was elected President in 1960.

Both were particularly concerned with civil rights.

Both wives lost their children while living in the White House.

Both Presidents were shot on a Friday.

Both Presidents were shot in the head.

Now it gets really weird.

Lincoln 's secretary was named Kennedy.

Kennedy's Secretary was named Lincoln.

Both were assassinated by Southerners.

Both were succeeded by Southerners named Johnson.

Andrew Johnson, who succeeded Lincoln, was born in 1808.

Lyndon Johnson, who succeeded Kennedy, was born in 1908.

John Wilkes Booth, who assassinated Lincoln, was born in 1839.

Lee Harvey Oswald, who assassinated Kennedy, was born in 1939.

Both assassins were known by their three names.

Both names are composed of fifteen letters.

Now hang on to your seat.

Lincoln was shot at the theater named 'Ford.'

Kennedy was shot in a car called ' Lincoln' made by 'Ford.'

Lincoln was shot in a theater and his assassin ran and hid in a warehouse.

Kennedy was shot from a warehouse and his assassin ran and hid in a theater.

Booth and Oswald were assassinated before their trials.