Chapter 368

This one is compliments of Gary:

God said, 'Adam, I want you to do something for Me.'

Adam said, 'Gladly, Lord, what do You want me to do?'

God said, 'Go down into that valley.'

Adam said, 'What's a valley?'

God explained it to him. Then God said, 'Cross the river.'

Adam said, 'What's a River?'

God explained that to him, and then said, 'Go over to the hill... '

Adam said, 'What is a hill?'

So, God explained to Adam what a hill was.

He told Adam, 'On the other side of the hill you will find a cave.'

Adam said, 'What's a cave?'

After God explained, He said, 'In the cave you will find a woman.'

Adam said, 'What's a woman?'

So God explained that to him, too.

Then, God said, 'I want you to reproduce.'

Adam said, 'How do I do that?'

God first said (under His breath), 'Geez... '

And then, just like everything else, God explained that to

Adam, as well.

So, Adam goes down into the valley,

across the river, and over the hill, into the cave, and finds the woman.

Then, in about five minutes, he was back.

God, His patience wearing thin, said angrily, 'What is it now?'

And Adam said...

(YOU'RE GOING TO LOVE THIS!!!!!!)

'What's a headache?'!!!!!!!!!!!

This one is compliments of John:

On the outskirts of a small town, there was a big, old pecan tree just inside the cemetery fence. One day, two boys filled up a bucketful of nuts and sat down by the tree, out of sight, and began dividing the nuts. "One for you, one for me, one for you, one for me," said one boy. Several dropped and rolled down toward the fence.

Another boy came riding along the road on his bicycle. As he passed, he thought he heard voices from inside the cemetery. He slowed down to investigate. Sure enough, he heard, "One for you, one for me, one for you, one for me..."

He just knew what it was. He jumped back on his bike and rode off. Just around the bend he met an old man with a cane, hobbling along.

"Come here quick," said the boy, "you won't believe what I heard! Satan and the Lord are down at the cemetery dividing up the souls!"

The man said, "Beat it kid, can't you see it's hard for me to walk." When the boy insisted though, the man hobbled slowly to the cemetery.

Standing by the fence they heard, "One for you, one for me. One for you, one for me."

The old man whispered, "Boy, you've been tellin' me the truth. Let's see if we can see the Lord... ?" Shaking with fear, they peered through the fence, yet were still unable to see anything. The old man and the boy gripped the wrought iron bars of the fence tighter and tighter as they tried to get a glimpse of the Lord.

At last they heard, "One for you, one for me. That's all. Now let's go get those nuts by the fence and we'll be done..."

They say the old man had the lead for a good half-mile before the kid on the bike passed him.

So, I was walking through town and I saw that there was a

"Muslim Book Store."

I was wondering what exactly was in a Muslim bookstore so I went in.

As I was wandering around taking a look, the clerk stopped me and

I wandered into a Moslem bookshop and looked around. An assistant asked if he could help me.

I imagine I didn't look like his normal clientele, so I asked:

"Do you have a copy of Donald Trump's book on his U.S...

Immigration Policy regarding Muslims?"

The clerk said: "Fuck off, get out and stay out!"

I said: "Yes, that's the one. Do you have it in paperback?