Chapter 36

This one compliments of r. d.

Two sisters, one blonde and one brunette, inherit the family ranch. Unfortunately, after just a few years, they are in financial trouble. In order to keep the bank from repossessing the ranch, they need to purchase a bull from the stockyard in a far town so that they can breed their own stock.

They only have $600 left. Upon leaving, the brunette tells her sister, "When I get there, if I decide to buy the bull, I'll contact you to drive out after me and haul it home."

The brunette arrives at the stockyard, inspects the bull, and decides she wants to buy it. The man tells her that he will sell it for $599, no less.

After paying him, she drives to the nearest town to send her sister a telegram to tell her the news. She walks into the telegraph office and says, "I want to send a telegram to my sister telling her that I've bought a bull for our ranch.

I need her to hitch the trailer to our pickup truck and drive out here so we can haul it home."

The telegraph operator explains that he'll be glad to help her, then adds, "It's just 99 cents a word." Well, after paying for the bull, the brunette only has $1 left. She realizes that she'll only be able to send her sister one word.

After a few minutes of thinking, she nods and says, "I want you to send her one word: comfortable."

The operator shakes his head. "How is she ever going to know that you want her to hitch the trailer to your pickup truck and drive out here to haul that bull back to your ranch if you send her just the word 'comfortable'?"

The brunette explains, "My sister's blonde. The word's big. She'll read it very slowly ... com-for-da-bull."

The next two are Compliments of mousepotatoes

Three little old ladies are sitting on the nursing home porch talking about this and that.

One holds her hands about a foot apart and says "I remember going to the store and buying cucumbers this long."

Another one says, "Yeah and you could get oranges this bit around," giving a good dimension with her hands.

The last little lady says, "I can't hear a word you're saying, but I know who you're talking about."

A bit dated but you will get the point...

Raymond & Bubba, ( mechanical engineers for the

State of Alabama) were standing at the base of a flagpole, looking up.

A woman walked by and asked what they were doing.

"We're supposed to find the height of this flagpole," said Bubba, "but we don't have a ladder."

The woman said, "Hand me that wrench out of your toolbox." She loosened a few bolts, and laid the pole down. Then she took a tape measure from their toolbox, took a measurement, and announced,

"Eighteen feet, six inches," and walked away.

Raymond shook his head and laughed. "Ain't that just like a Miss know-it-all woman! We ask for the height and she gives us the length!"

Both are still working for the government and Ray has recently been promoted.

You can thank wino for this one...

Harold and Mabel were in their rocking chairs on the porch. They were quietly enjoying the sunshine and resting from their 50th anniversary celebration the previous day. They had been resting for a while when Mabel got up without a word and smacked Harold across his knees with her cane. She then returned to her chair.

Harold was shocked into silence, but eventually asked, "what was that for?"

Mabel replied, "fifty years of lousy sex."

Harold was silent for several minutes, but then got up and smacked Mabel across her knees with his cane. A shocked Mabel asked, "what was that for?"

Harold replied, "For knowing the difference."