Chapter 357

A beautiful fairy appeared one day to a destitute refugee claimant outside the Ottawa Immigration Offices.

"My good man," the fairy said, "I've been told to grant you three wishes, since you've just arrived in Canada with your wife and seven children..."

The man told the fairy: "Well, in Syria where I come from, we don't have good teeth, so I want new teeth, maybe a lot of gold in them."

The fairy looked at the man's almost toothless grin and — PING!!! He had a brand new shining set of gold teeth in his mouth!

"What else?" asked the fairy, "two more wishes, to go."

The refugee claimant now got bolder. "I need a big house with a three car garage in Toronto with eight bedrooms for my family and the rest of my refugee relatives who still live in my country. I want to bring them all over here."

PING! - In the distance there could be seen a beautiful mansion with a three car garage, a long driveway, a walkout patio with a BBQ, and a sparkling inground pool and a Hummer, full of his nephews playing their music.

"One more wish left for you", said the fairy, waving her wand.

"I want to be Canadian with Canadian clothes instead of rags, and a baseball cap instead of this shawl and I want to have white skin like the Canadians."

PING! - The man was transformed, wearing worn out jeans from Best for Less, a dirty Wall-Mart T-shirt and a greasy baseball cap. He had his bad teeth back and the mansion had disappeared from the horizon.

"What happened to my new teeth?" he wailed. "Where is my new house? Where's my Visa Gold Card?"

The fairy said: "Tough luck. Now that you are a Canadian, you're entitled to "Sweet bugger all like the rest of us."

... and then she disappeared...

This one is compliments of Dave

A woman married three times walked into a bridal shop one day and told the sales clerk that she was looking for a wedding gown for her fourth wedding.

"Of course, madam," replied the sales clerk, "exactly what type and color dress are you looking for?"

The bride to be said: "A long frilly white dress with a veil."

The sales clerk hesitated a bit, then said, "Please don't take this the wrong way, but gowns of that nature are considered more appropriate for brides who are being married the first time - for those who are a bit more innocent, if you know what I mean? Perhaps ivory or sky blue would be nice?"

"Well," replied the customer, a little peeved at the clerk's directness, "I can assure you that a white gown would be quite appropriate. Believe it or not, despite all my marriages, I remain as innocent as any first-time bride.

"You see, my first husband was so excited about our wedding, he died as we were checking into our hotel.

"My second husband and I got into such a terrible fight in the Limo on our way to our honeymoon that we had that wedding annulled immediately and never spoke to each other again."

"What about your third husband?" asked the sales clerk.

"That was the worst of all!" said the woman. "He was a Democrat, and every night for four years, he just sat on the edge of the bed and told me how good it was going to be."