Chapter 350

This one is compliments of the 'Shy One.'

As I get older I realize:

1. I talk to myself, because sometimes I need expert advice.

2. Sometimes I roll my eyes out loud.

3. I don't need anger management. I need people to stop pissing me off!

4. My people skills are just fine! It is my tolerance of idiots that needs work!

5. The biggest lie I tell myself is "I don't need to write things down, I'll remember it."

6. When I was a child I thought nap time was punishment. Now it is like a mini-vacation.

7. The day the world runs out of wine is just too terrible to think about!

8. Even duct tape can't fix stupid, but it can muffle the sound!

9. Wouldn't it be great if we could put ourselves in the dryer and come out wrinkle free and three sizes smaller!

10. "Getting Lucky" means walking into a room and remembering why I'm here!

This one is compliments of Rosstester

Rajpat (father): I want you to marry a girl of my choice.

Son: "I will choose my own bride!!!"

Rajpat: "But the girl is Bill Gates's daughter..."

Son: "Well, in that case ... ok"

Next Rajpat approaches Bill Gates.

Rajpat: "I have a husband for your daughter..."

Bill Gates: "But my daughter is too young to marry!!"

Rajpat: "But this young man is a vice-president of the World Bank."

Bill Gates: "Ah, in that case ... ok"

Finally Rajpat goes to see the president of the World Bank.

Rajpat: "I have a young man to be recommended as a vice-president."

President: "But I already have more vice-presidents than I need!"

Rajpat: "But this young man is Bill Gates's son-in-law."

President: "Ah, in that case ... ok"

And that my friend, is how Indians do business.

This one is compliments of GEORGE

On the way home from the Doctor's I was tail gated by a lady in a large pickup. She was swerving over the center line and back for several blocks almost trading bumper pain with me. I was 5 mph over the posted speed limit. She finally roared past me in a no passing zone but caught a red light right away. Pulling up behind her I immediately saw her problem. Her trailer hitch had THREE BALLS.

She was obviously suffering from too much testosterone.