Chapter 343

Hope this gives your day a chuckle.

As I was driving home and worrying about all the stuff going on in my life, my family's lives, my friends' lives and what's happening in Paris, Washington, Moscow, Ukraine, the Middle East, Trump, Trudeau, CBC News, the downgrading of our military, 25,000 Syrian refugees, the terrorists infiltrating our border, the illegal's, and how our country is rapidly losing its sanity and its Christianity, I saw a yard sign that said:

NEED HELP?

CALL JESUS

1-800-555-3787

Out of curiosity and desperation, I called the number.

A Mexican showed up with a lawnmower.

These are compliments of Mike

LEXOPHILIA

• How does Moses make tea? Hebrews it.

• Venison for dinner again? Oh deer!

• A cartoonist was found dead in his home. Details are sketchy.

• I used to be a banker, but then I lost interest.

• Haunted French pancakes give me the crêpes.

• England has no kidney bank, but it does have a Liverpool.

• I tried to catch some fog, but I mist.

• They told me I had type-A blood, but it was a Typo.

• I changed my iPod's name to Titanic. It's syncing now.

• Jokes about German sausage are the wurst.

• I know a guy who's addicted to brake fluid, but he says he can stop any time.

• I stayed up all night to see where the sun went, and then it dawned on me.

• This girl said she recognized me from the vegetarian club, but I'd never met herbivore.

• When chemists die, they barium.

• I'm reading a book about anti-gravity. I just can't put it down.

• I did a theatrical performance about puns. It was a play on words.

• I didn't like my beard at first. Then it grew on me.

• Did you hear about the cross-eyed teacher who lost her job because she couldn't control her pupils?

• When you get a bladder infection, urine trouble.

• Broken pencils are pointless.

• What do you call a dinosaur with an extensive vocabulary? A thesaurus.

• I dropped out of communism class because of lousy Marx.

• All the toilets in New York's police stations have been stolen. The police have nothing to go on.

• I got a job at a bakery because I kneaded dough.

• Velcro - what a rip off!

• Don't worry about old age; it doesn't last.