Chapter 339

This one is compliments of Carl

A young man named John received a parrot as a gift. The parrot had a bad attitude and an even worse vocabulary. Every word out of the bird's mouth was rude, obnoxious and laced with profanity.

John tried and tried to change the bird's attitude by consistently saying only polite words, playing soft music and anything else he could think of to 'clean up' the bird's vocabulary.

Finally, John was fed up and he yelled at the parrot. The parrot yelled back. John shook the parrot and the parrot got angrier and even more rude. John, in desperation, threw up his hand, grabbed the bird and put him in the freezer.

For a few minutes the parrot squawked and kicked and screamed. Then suddenly there was total quiet.

Not a peep was heard for over a minute. Fearing that he'd hurt the parrot, John quickly opened the door to the freezer. The parrot calmly stepped out onto John's outstretched arms and said "I believe I may have offended you with my rude language and actions. I'm sincerely remorseful for my inappropriate transgressions and I fully intend to do everything I can to correct my rude and unforgivable behavior."

John was stunned at the change in the bird's attitude. As he was about to ask the parrot what had made such a dramatic change in his behavior, the bird spoke-up, very softly, "May I ask what the turkey did?"

This one is compliments of the 'Shy One'

What more is there to say?

It seems there was a Captain's Mast where a young deck Seaman was accused of dereliction of duty and sleeping on watch. His Division Chief, a BMC, accompanied him to Mast. The Commanding Officer, after reading the charges, looked at the BMC and asked him what kind of a Sailor the seaman was in his eyes. The "Boats" looked squarely at the CO and said, "Captain, he's the biggest waste of skin God ever wrapped around an asshole."