Chapter 336

I failed a Health and Safety course at the Senior Center today.

One of the questions was:

"In the event of a fire, what steps would you take?"

"Fucking big ones" was apparently the wrong answer.

Newfie Password

The Bank of Montreal was running a recent Password Audit and found Stevie

O'Toole from Conception Bay (Newfoundland)

using the following password:

MickeyDonaldMinnieGoofyDaffyBugsElmerPlutoOttawa

When Stevie was asked why he had such a long password, he replied,

"'Lard t'underin! Are yez blind er' stupid? I wuz told me password had to be at least 8 characters long wit' one capital.''

Mick and Paddy were fishing on the Irish shoreline when Mick pulled out a cigar.

Finding he had no matches, he asked Paddy for a light.

'Ya, sure, I tink I haff a lighter, ' Paddy replied and then reaching into his tackle

box, he pulled out a Bic lighter that was an enormous 10 inches long.

'My God, man!' exclaimed Mick, taking the huge Bic lighter in his hands. 'Where'd yew git dat monster?'

'Well, ' replied Paddy, 'I got it from my Genie.'

'You haff a fecking Genie?' Mick asked.

'Ya, sure. It's right here in my tackle box, ' says Paddy.

'Could I see him?'

Paddy opens his tackle box and sure enough, out pops the Genie.

Addressing the Genie, Mick says, 'Hey dere! I'm a good pal of your master.

Will you grant me one wish?'

'Yes, I will, ' says the Genie.

So Mick asks the Genie for a million bucks. The Genie disappears back into the tackle box leaving Mick sitting there waiting for his million bucks.

Shortly, the Irish sky darkens and is filled with the sound of a million ducks flying directly overhead.

Over the roar of the one million ducks Mick yells at Paddy, 'What the hell? I asked for a million bucks, not a million ducks!'

Paddy answers, 'Ya, I forgot to tell yew dat da Genie is hard of hearing. Do yew really tink I asked for a 10 inch Bic?'