Chapter 331

As You Slide Down the Banister of Life In 2015 -- Remember:

1 ... Jim Baker and Jimmy Swaggert have written an impressive new book. It's called... 'Ministers Do More Than Lay People'

2 ... Transvestite: A guy who likes to eat, drink and be Mary.

3 ... The difference between the Pope and your boss, the Pope only expects you to kiss his ring.

4 ... My mind works like lightning, one brilliant Flash and it is gone.

5 ... The only time the world beats a path to Your door is if you're in the bathroom.

6 ... I hate sex in the movies. Tried it once. The seat folded up, the drink spilled and that ice, well, it really chilled the mood.

7 ... It used to be only death and taxes. Now, of course, there's shipping and handling, too.

8. A husband is someone who, after taking the trash out, gives the impression that he just cleaned the whole house.

9 ... My next house will have no kitchen - just vending machines and a large trash can.

10. Definition of a teenager? God's punishment ... for enjoying sex.

Thought for the day: Be who you are and say what you feel ... because those that matter ... don't mind ... and those that mind ... don't matter!

And As You Slide Down that Banister of Life You Should Pray That All The Splinters Are Pointed The Other Way...

This one is compliments of John A

Mickey and Bob, two friends, met in the park every day to feed the pigeons, watch the squirrels and discuss world problems.

One day Mickey didn't show up. Bob didn't think much about it and figured maybe he had a cold or something.

But after Mickey hadn't shown up for a week or so, Bob really got worried. However, since the only time they ever got together was at the park, Bob didn't know where Mickey lived, so he was unable to find out what had happened to him.

A month had passed, and Bob figured he had seen the last of Mickey, but one day, Bob approached the park and --lo and behold -- there sat Mickey!

Bob was very excited and happy to see him and told him so. Then he said, 'For crying out loud Mickey, what in the world happened to you?

Mickey replied, 'I have been in jail.'

'Jail!' cried Bob. What in the world for?'

'Well, ' Mickey said, 'you know Jane, that cute little bartender/waitress at the restaurant where I sometimes go?'

'Yeah, ' said Bob, 'I remember her. What about her?

'Well, one day she filed rape charges against me and, at 89 years old, I was so proud that when I got into court, I pleaded guilty'.

'The damn judge gave me 30 days for perjury'.