Chapter 330

This is compliments of Earl John

One Monday, in a mid-sized town, Pastor Jones, of one of the larger churches, was walking through the local shopping mall. As he walked through he noticed a sign outside a pet store advertising a

'PET AUCTION'. He thought 'This will be interesting' and so went inside.

As he entered, he heard the auctioneer; "Okay,

Folks. This is the last pet we have today. It is a genuine talking galah (from Australia). Can we start the bidding at $2?"

Thinking it would be a different sort of pet to have, Pastor Jones called out; "2".

There was an immediate response of "3".

So Pastor Jones called "4".

"5".

"6".

"7".

"8".

"9".

"10".

There was silence through-out the room ... The auctioneer quickly closed the auction and it was all done. Pastor Jones had bought himself a talking bird.

As he went to pay for it he mentioned that $10 was a bit much to pay for a bird... "Are you sure it can talk?"

"Of course I'm sure, who do you think was bidding against you? The silly bird never learnt to count past ten or we'd still be here."

So Pastor Jones, slightly put out, took the bird home and at first it was a great novelty ... BUT: it turned out the bird's previous owner was a sailor on a tramp freighter and he had taught the bird to speak with his own tendency to foul (no NOT fowl you idiots) language ... after three or four very embarrassing incidents... (Including one where a young mother who was breast-feeding her daughter was encouraged to "Show us ya tits, Sweetie." ) Pastor Jones decided he was going to have to get rid of the bird. This was not an easy decision to make because he had grown fond of the galah.

Discussing his problem with one of his church elders, the elder said; "how about we try something. I have a parrot that talks but all it does all day is sit on its perch and intone 'Let us pray!' Perhaps the good influence will rub off on your galah if we bring them together?"

Anything was worth a try and so, although Pastor Jones was doubtful he agreed and the next day Elder Pirot brought his parrot around and the two birds were put in a cage together ... The galah took one look at the parrot and said "Hi toots, what's say you 'n' me make some eggs together."

The parrot replied; "My prayers have been answered!"

Well after this the galah settled down a bit and Pastor Jones thought that perhaps he could keep the bird after all ... However ... A burglar decided the Pastor's residence looked like an easy place to get a bit of cash. One night, while the Pastor was the guest speaker at a parish conference, he quietly broke in. He was looking for the high quality electrical goods he could fence easily, when he heard, "Jesus is watching you."

Startled, he looked around ... but couldn't see anyone. Thinking he was hearing things he was about to turn away, when he heard again, "Jesus is watching you."

This time he realised it was the bird speaking.

He laughed, "And I suppose your name is 'Jesus' right?"

"No, my name is Gabriel. Jesus is the pit bull behind you!"