Chapter 318

These are compliments of kept

Jack,

A few more jokes for you

(apologies, in advance, to all the Italians out there)

Call for Help

(Note 1: on receiving a distress call, normal practice with Australian Maritime Safety Authority [AMSA] was to send out a spotter aircraft to precisely locate vessel in distress and, sometimes, drop life rafts if possible & needed. For quite a number of years the aircraft type used was a Focker F27 - the Focker Friendship)

(Note 2: Bass Strait is the passage between mainland Australia and the island state of Tasmania, and is well known for its windy and rough seas!)

Mario, a recent immigrant to Australia from Italy, decided it was a nice day to go fishing in Bass Strait. However, after a few hours he noticed his boat was starting to sink. He gets on the radio to call for help:

MARIO: "Mayday! Mayday! Mya boat, she issa starting to sink! The motor, she noa wanta start! Pleasa senda help!"

AMSA: "This is Maritime Rescue. We acknowledge your signal. Rescue services have been notified."

Mario continues to wait, while the boat sinks lower and lower into the water. When the boat is barely afloat, Mario calls again:

MARIO: "Mayday! Mya boat, she hassa almost sunk! I needa help NOW!"

AMSA: "This is Maritime Rescue. Acknowledged. Our Focker Friendship is on its way out to you now."

MARIO: "Look, I noa needa your Focker Friendship! I needa your Focker Help!!"

The Italian Wedding

(Note 1: the groom, Luigi, has a secret, of which his bride is unaware - when he was young, he lost half of his foot in an accident. However, the prosthetic he wears works so well that it is hard to tell there is anything wrong with his foot)

(Note 2: the bride, Maria, being a good girl, has stayed pure and virtuous for her wedding, and so is innocent of many things)

Mama, she is happy as her lovely daughter Maria has gotten married to a very nice man. She is a little sad that her very loving and beloved husband Giuseppe passed away 6 months ago, and so was not there to give away his daughter (not the only thing she misses about him). The wedding was beautiful and the reception was excellent.

After the end of the reception, Maria comes running up to Mama "Mama! Mama! Luigi wants me to go to the bedroom with him."

Mama pats her on the hand and says, "Relax Maria, that is normal for husband and wife."

So Maria goes back up to the bedroom, but, a few minutes later races back down to mama. "Mama! Mama! Luigi wants both of us to undress!"

Mama pats her on the hand again and says, "Relax Maria, that is normal for husband and wife."

Maria goes back up to the bedroom again, but, when Luigi takes off his shoes she is shocked when she sees half his foot is missing. She races down to mama again. "Mama! Mama! Luigi only has a foot and a half!"

Mama's eyes widen, and she says, "HE HAS A FOOT AND A HALF!!! Stand back Maria! THIS sounds like a job for Mama!!"