Chapter 306

It has been announced that the police are going to be allowed to use water cannons on rioters. They are putting some Tide washing powder in to stop the coloreds from running.

Two Muslims have crashed a speedboat into the Thames barrier in London. Police think it might be the start of Ram-a-dam.

Riots in Birmingham last month caused over £1 million worth of improvements.

Muslims have gone on the rampage in Manchester, killing anyone who's English. Police fear the death toll could be as high as 8 or 9.

Years ago it was suggested that, "An apple a day keeps the doctor away." But, since all the doctors are now Muslim, I've found that a bacon sandwich works great!

Police in London have found a bomb outside a mosque...

They've told the public not to panic as they've managed to push it inside.

During last night's high winds a Muslim family were killed by a falling tree.

A spokesman for the Birmingham City council said,

"We didn't even know they were living up there."

Jamaican minorities in the UK have complained that there are not enough television shows with minorities in mind, so Crimewatch is being shown 5 times a week now.

I was reading in the paper today about this dwarf that got pick pocketed.

How could anyone stoop so low.

I was walking down the road when I saw an Afghan bloke standing on a fifth floor balcony, shaking a carpet.

I shouted up to him, "What's up Abdul, won't it start?"

An Emergency Call Centre worker has been fired in Toronto much to the dismay of her colleagues, who were unhappy with her dismissal. It seems that a caller dialed 911 from a cell phone stating, "I am depressed and lying on a railway line so that when the train comes I can finally meet Allah." To which the call centre employee replied, "Remain calm and stay on the line."

A Scottish love story.

A young Scottish lad and lass were sitting on a low stone wall, holding hands, gazing out over the loch.

For several minutes they sat silently. Then finally the girl looked at the boy and said, "A penny for your thoughts, Angus."

"Well, uh, I was thinkin'. Perhaps it's aboot time for a wee kiss."

The girl blushed, then leaned over and kissed him lightly on the cheek.

Then he blushed. The two turned once again to gaze out over the loch.

Minutes passed and the girl spoke again. "Another penny for your thoughts, Angus?"

"Well, uh, I was thinkin' perhaps it's noo aboot time for a we cuddle."

The girl blushed, then leaned over and cuddled him for a few seconds.

Then he blushed, and the two turned once again to gaze out over the loch.

After a while, she again said, "Another penny for your thoughts, Angus."

"Well, uh, I was thinkin' perhaps it's aboot time you let me put my hand on your leg."

The girl blushed, then took his hand and put it on her knee. Then he blushed.

Then the two turned once again to gaze out over the loch before the girl spoke again. "Another penny for your thoughts, Angus."

The young man glanced down with a furrowed brow. "Well, noo," he said, "my thoughts are a wee bit more serious this time."

"Really?" said the lass in a whisper, filled with anticipation.

"Aye," said the lad, nodding.

The girl looked away in shyness, began to blush, and bit her lip in anticipation of the ultimate request.

Then he said, "Dae ye no' think it's aboot time ye paid me the first three pennies?"