Chapter 302

Wife texts husband on a cold winter's morning: "Windows frozen, won't open."

Husband texts back: "Gently pour some lukewarm water over it and gently tap edges with hammer."

Wife texts back 5 minutes later: "Computer really messed up now!"

This one is compliments of Chuck

Why Facebook exists

God Bless America

This is for people of an older generation who do not really comprehend why Facebook exists.

Presently, I am trying to make friends outside of Facebook while applying the same Facebook principles. Therefore, every day I go out on the street and tell the passers-by what I have eaten, how I feel, what I have done the night before, and what I will do tomorrow. Then I give them pictures of my family, my dog, of me gardening and spending time in my pool. I also listen to their conversations and I tell them I love them. It works! I already have 3 persons following me: 2 police officers and a psychiatrist.

This one is compliments of ewlon

A traveling salesman stopped at a restaurant on the square in a small Alabama town. He enjoyed the plain, Southern cooking, and when the waiter brought the bill, he said, "I enjoyed dinner, but tell me why you have a spoon in your shirt pocket?"

"Well." the waiter said, "The owner's son went to Auburn and became an efficiency engineer. He spent time observing our work here, and noticed that when a customer dropped a utinsel, we had to go to the kitchen and get the replacement. Now, we just reach in our shirt pocket and it's more efficient."

"That's great," says the salesman, "but why do you have a string hanging out your pants zipper?"

"Well," says the waiter, "he also saw that we wasted time washing our hands after urinating, so now we all have a string tied to our penis. We now unzip, pull it out with the string, and then jiggle the string when we finish."

"That's interesting, but how do you get it back in your pants?" asked the salesman.

"Well, I don't know about the other guys," his waiter said, "but I use my spoon."