Chapter 288

$7.00 sex

You all are just going to love this one,

An Arizona couple, both well into their 80's, go to a sex therapist's office. The doctor asks, 'What can I do for you?'

The man says, 'Will you watch us have sexual intercourse?'

The doctor raises both eyebrows, but he is so amazed that such an elderly couple is asking for sexual advice that he agrees.

When the couple finishes, the doctor says, 'There's absolutely nothing wrong with the way you have intercourse... '

He thanks them for coming, he wishes them good luck, he charges them $50 and he says good bye.

The next week, the same couple returns and asks the sex therapist to watch again. The sex therapist is a bit puzzled, but agrees.

This happens several weeks in a row.

The couple makes an appointment, has intercourse with no problems, pay the doctor, then leave.

Finally, after 3 months of this routine, the doctor says, 'I'm sorry, but I have to ask. Just what are you trying to find out?'

The man says, 'We're not trying to find out anything. She's married; so we can't go to her house. I'm married; and we can't go to my house. The Holiday Inn charges $98. The Hilton charges $139. We do it here for $50, and best of all ... Medicare pays $43 of it.

This one is compliments of Jerry

You Know You Are In A Redneck Church If...

... people ask, when they learn that Jesus fed the 5,000, whether the two fish were bass or catfish, and what bait was used to catch 'em.

... when the pastor says, "I'd like to ask Bubba to help take up the offering," five guys and two women stand up.

... opening day of deer season is recognized as an official church holiday.

... A member of the church requests to be buried in his 4-wheel-drive truck because "It ain't never been in a hole it couldn't get out of."

... The congregation of 500 members only has seven last names in the church directory.

... people think "rapture" is what you get when you lift something too heavy.

... the baptismal pool is a #2 galvanized washtub.

... the collection plates are hubcaps from a '56 Chevy.

... instead of bells, you are called to service by a duck call.

... the minister and his wife drive matching pickup trucks.

... the communion wine is Boone's Farm "Strawberry Hill".

... that "Thou shall not covet" thing applies to huntin' dogs, too.

This one is compliments of Earl John

A young couple, were just back from their honeymoon, and settling in to a life of married bliss when ... The first Monday morning back, the young wife suddenly slaps her husband, very hard, as they lay there sleeping. While they are having breakfast he asks her why she did it. She denies any such action.

The next morning is a repeat with the husband again being woken with a hard slap and a black eye that is a real hoot at work later. And again the wife denies any responsibility.

Wednesday morning the same thing is about to happen, when the wife remembers the snooze button on the alarm clock is no longer just an arm's length away.

This one is compliments of Chuck

The Cow, the Ant and the Old Fart

A cow, an ant and an old fart are debating on who is the greatest of the three of them.

The cow said, "I give 20 quarts of milk every day and that's why I am the greatest!"

The ant said, "I work day and night, summer and winter, I can carry 52 times my own weight and that's why I am the greatest!"

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