Chapter 282

Yes I know they could be possible repeats...

Random thoughts as we age:

- The biggest lie I tell myself is..."I don't need to write that down, I'll remember it."

- Wouldn't it be great if we could put ourselves in the dryer for ten minutes and come out wrinkle-free and three sizes smaller!

- Last year I joined a support group for procrastinators. We haven't met yet!

- I don't trip over things, I do random gravity checks!

- I don't need anger management. I need people to stop pissing me off!

- Old age is coming at a really bad time!

- Lord grant me the strength to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can and the friends to post my bail when I finally snap!

- I don't have gray hair. I have "wisdom highlights"--I'm just very wise.

- Teach your daughter how to shoot, because a restraining order is just a piece of paper!

- If God wanted me to touch my toes, he would've put them on my knees.

- The kids text me "plz" which is shorter than please. I text back "no"--which is shorter than "yes".

- I'm going to retire and live off of my savings. Not sure what I'll do that second week.

- When did it change from "We the people" to "screw the people"???

- Even duct tape can't fix stupid-- but it can muffle the sound!

- Why do I have to press one for English when you're just gonna transfer me to someone I can't understand anyway?

- Of course I talk to myself-- sometimes I need expert advice!

- Oops! Did I roll my eyes out loud?

- At my age "Getting lucky" means walking into a room and remembering what I came in there for.

- And, of course ... Have I sent this to you already or did you send this to me?