Chapter 269

Today's Riddle for Seniors

Here is the situation:

You are on a horse, galloping at a constant speed.

On your right side is a sharp drop-off.

On your left side is an elephant traveling at the same speed as you.

Directly in front of you is a galloping giraffe and your horse is unable to overtake it.

Behind you is a lion running at the same speed as you and the giraffe.

What must you do to get out of this highly dangerous situation?

Think very clearly, carefully, and logically before you scroll down to look for the answer below.

Answer: Quietly get off the merry-go-round and go home.

A large woman, wearing a sleeveless sundress, walked into a bar in Dublin. She raised her right arm, revealing a huge hairy armpit as she pointed to all the people sitting at the bar and asked, "What man here will buy a woman a drink?"

The bar went silent as the patrons tried to ignore her.

But down at the end of the bar, an owl-eyed drunk slammed his hand down on the counter and bellowed, "Give the ballerina a drink!"

The bartender poured the drink, and the woman chugged it down. She turned to the patrons and again pointed around at all of them, revealing the same hairy armpit, and asked, "What man here will buy a lady another drink?"

Once again, the same little drunk slapped his money down on the bar and said, "Give the ballerina another drink!"

The bartender approached the little drunk and said, "Tell me, Paddy, it's your business if you want to buy the lady a drink, but why do you keep calling her the ballerina?"

The drunk replied, "Any woman who can lift her leg that high has got to be a ballerina!"

Why I Like Retirement!

Question: How many days in a week?

Answer: 6 Saturdays, 1 Sunday

Question: When is a retiree's bedtime?

Answer: Three hours after he falls asleep in the recliner.

Question: How long does it take retirees to change a light bulb?

Answer: It might take all day.

Question: What's the biggest gripe of retirees?

Answer: There is not enough time to get everything done. Very true

Question: Why don't retirees mind being called Seniors?

Answer: The term comes with a 10% discount. Sometime 15%

Question: Among retirees what is considered formal attire?

Answer: Tied shoes.

Question: Why do retirees count pennies?

Answer: They are the only ones who have the time.

Question: What is the common term for someone who enjoys work and refuses to retire?

Answer: NUTS!

Question: Why are retirees so slow to clean out the basement, attic or garage?

Answer: They know that as soon as they do, one of their adult kids will want to store stuff there.

Question: What do retirees call a long lunch?

Answer: Normal.

Question: What is the best way to describe retirement?

Answer: The never ending Coffee Break.

Question: What's the biggest advantage of going back to school as a retiree?

Answer: If you cut classes, no one calls your parents.

Question: Why does a retiree often say he doesn't miss work, but misses the people he used to work with?

Answer: He is too polite to tell the whole truth.

QUESTION: What do you do all week?

Answer: Monday through Friday, NOTHING ... Saturday & Sunday, I rest.

SERENITY

Just before the funeral services, the undertaker came up to the very elderly widow and asked, 'How old was your husband?' '98, ' she replied... 'Two years older than me' 'So you're 96, ' the undertaker commented ... She responded, 'Hardly worth going home, is it?

Reporters interviewing a 104-year-old woman: 'And what do you think is the best thing about being 104?' the reporter asked ... She simply replied, 'No peer pressure.'

The nice thing about being senile is

You can hide your own Easter eggs and have fun finding them.