Chapter 254

Two dwarfs go into a bar where they pick up two working girls and take them to their separate hotel rooms for an hour of pleasure.

The first dwarf, however, is unable to produce an erection.

His depression is made worse by the fact that, from the next room, he hears his friend shouting out cries of, "Here I come again! ONE, TWO, THREE ... UMPH!

Here I come again! ONE, TWO, THREE ... UMPH!

Here I come again! ONE, TWO, THREE ... UMPH!"

This goes on for the whole hour.

Later, back at the bar, the second dwarf asks the first, "How did it go?"

The first mutters, "It was embarrassing. I just couldn't get an erection."

The second dwarf shook his head. "You think that's embarrassing?

I couldn't get on the bed!

This one is compliments of John from the land down under

What should you do if you're attacked by a gang of clowns?

Go for the juggler!

This one is compliments of elo

It was a blazingly hot day and not a wind was moving.

Lone Ranger & Tonto rode in to a small western town. Complete with saloon, general store and sheriff.

They dismounted outside the saloon and went inside for some much needed refreshments.

Having cooled down for 10 minutes or so, a man suddenly approached. "Hey mister - do you own that white horse outside?"

"It's mine" said the Lone Ranger, jumping up with

Tonto fast on his heels "Why - is someone trying to steal him? They'll be in for a nasty surprise.

He's a one man horse."

"No but he's overheating. You'd better do something fast" said the guy.

Outside Silver did seem in a sorry state. "Well" the guy thought out loud "There's no shade around here. You need to run around the horse fanning it.

There's a peace of roof shingle there in the dirt.

You can use that to fan the horse." Lone Ranger tiredly reached for the scrap of wood when Tonto stopped him.

"Kemosabe let me do that. That horse have saved both our lives time and again. I feel obliged."

"Well, all right - if you're sure? But come get me if you need me." The Lone Ranger stated, and went inside to his cold beer.

About half an hour later another man came entered the saloon.

"Who owns that white horse right outside?"

"It's mine - now what!! - It can't be overheating again" Yelled the Lone Ranger exasperatedly.

"No - no. The horse seems fine but you left your ind'djun running!!!"

This one is compliments of Mikey

A father put his three year old daughter to bed, told her a story and listened to her prayers, which she ended by saying "God bless mommy, God bless daddy, God bless grandma, and good-bye grandpa." Father said, "Why did you say good-bye granddad?" The little girl said, "I don't know, daddy. It just seemed like the thing to do." The next afternoon the granddad died.

Father thought it was a strange coincidence.

A few months later, the father put the girl to bed and listened to her prayers, which went like this:

"God bless mommy, God bless daddy and good-bye grandma." The next afternoon the grandmother died. My gosh, thought the father, this kid is in contact with the other side.

Several weeks later when the girl was going to bed, the dad heard her say "God bless mommy and good-bye daddy." He practically went into shock.

Couldn't sleep all night and got up at the crack of dawn to go to his office. He was nervous as a cat all day, had lunch sent in and watched the clock. He figured if he could get by until midnight he would be OK. He felt safe in the office, so instead of going home at the end of the day he stayed there, drinking coffee, looking at his watch and jumping at every sound.

Finally midnight arrived. He breathed a sigh of relief and went home. When he got home, his wife said, "I've never seen you work so late.

What's the matter?"

He said, "I don't want to talk about it.

I've just spent the worst day of my life."

She said, "You think you had a bad day. You'll never believe what happened to me. This morning the mailman dropped dead on our porch."