Chapter 250

This one is compliments of Needle Noddle-noo

Sven was recounting his war experiences on the local radio station.

"So, dere I vas, flyin' ever France, mindin' my own business. Suddenly, one o' dem Jerman Fokkers dives at me out of the sun. guns blazing. Well, I [description of aerial battle] and got behind him and shot that Fokker down."

The radio announce broke in and said, "For those in our audience who are unfamiliar with warplanes, the Germans in World War One flew a plane known as the 'Fokker'. The Red Baron is probably the best known flying ace who flew one. Back to you, Sven."

"Ya, Ya," said Sven. "Dat's right. But dis vas WWII, and dem Jerman Fokkers vas driving Messerschmitts."

This one is compliments of Cor

An elderly lady goes to the doctor.

'Doctor there is something strange happening, because lately I pass a lot of wind, luckily it is sound and odorless.'

The doctor nods his head knowingly and writes a prescription. 'Use these pills for two weeks and come back'.

After two weeks the lady comes back complaining, 'Doctor I don't know what you did, but now my wind is smelling horribly.'

'Good, ' the doctor replies, 'Your sense of smell is back, now let's see what we can do about your hearing'.

This little ditty is compliments of Gary...

Do you know why Santa Claus doesn't have any children of his own?

He only comes once a year and then that's down the chimney.

This one is compliments of Dennis

The Man Rules

At last a guy has taken the time to write this all down. We always hear the rules From the Woman side. Now here are the rules from the man side.

These are our rules!

Men are NOT mind readers.

Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down ... We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.

Sunday sports It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.

Crying is blackmail.

Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it!

Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 Days.

If you think you're fat, you probably are.Don't ask us.

If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one

You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

Whenever possible, Please say whatever you have to say during commercials.

Christopher Columbus did NOT need directions and neither do we.

ALL men see in only 16 colors, Peach, for example, is a fruit, not A color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.

If it itches, it will be scratched ... now. We do that.

If we ask what is wrong and you say 'nothing, ' That means "nothing is wrong", We will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.

When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine ... Really.

Don't ask us what we're thinking about ... unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as baseball or motor sports, Science stuff, or hot women.

You have enough clothes.

You have too many shoes.

I am in shape. Round IS a shape!

Thank you for reading this.

Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight. But did you know men really don't mind that? It's like camping.