Chapter 248

A poem by Willie Nelson

The younger generation may not know it but at one time Willie Nelson was songwriter of the year. Such songs as "Hello Wall", "Crazy" sung by Patsy Cline. "Funny how Time Slips Away" & a host of other favorites. He is also a well-recognized poet in his own circle of friends.

Whether or not you are a country music fan, these are truly the words of a deep thinker.

So simple, yet so profound! Read the words of wisdom from that famous philosopher, Willie Nelson, iconic country and western singer, on his 80th birthday below his esteemed portrait. Only a man with such wisdom and maturity could be so concise and succinct in phrasing his feelings at this turning point in his life.

"I've outlived my dick."
A Poem - by Willie Nelson

My nookie days are over,
My pilot light is out.
What used to be my pride and joy,
Is now my water spout.

Time was when, on its own accord,
From my trousers it would spring.
But now I've got a full time job,
To find the friggin thing.

It used to be embarrassing,
The way it would behave.
For every single morning,
It would stand and watch me shave.

Now as old age approaches,
It sure gives me the blues.
To see it hang its little head,
And watch me tie my shoes!!

Here is an actual sign posted at a golf club in Scotland, UK :

1. BACK STRAIGHT, KNEES BENT
2. FEET SHOULDER WIDTH APART.
3. FORM A LOOSE GRIP
4. KEEP YOUR HEAD DOWN!
5. STAY OUT OF THE WATER.
6. TRY NOT TO HIT ANYONE.
7. IF YOU ARE TAKING TOO LONG, LET OTHERS GO AHEAD OF YOU
8. DON'T STAND DIRECTLY IN FRONT OF OTHERS.
9. QUIET PLEASE ... WHILE OTHERS ARE PREPARING.
10.DON'T TAKE EXTRA STROKES.

WELL DONE ... NOW, FLUSH THE URINAL, GO OUTSIDE, AND TEE OFF

Did I read that sign right?

In an office:
TOILET OUT OF ORDER ... PLEASE USE FLOOR BELOW

In a Laundromat:
AUTOMATIC WASHING MACHINES: PLEASE REMOVE ALL YOUR CLOTHES WHEN THE LIGHT GOES OUT

In a London department store:
BARGAIN BASEMENT UPSTAIRS

In an office:
WOULD THE PERSON WHO TOOK THE STEP LADDER YESTERDAY PLEASE BRING IT BACK OR FURTHER STEPS WILL BE TAKEN

In an office:
AFTER TEA BREAK STAFF SHOULD EMPTY THE TEAPOT AND STAND UPSIDE DOWN ON THE DRAINING BOARD

Outside a second-hand shop:
WE EXCHANGE ANYTHING - BICYCLES, WASHING MACHINES, ETC. WHY NOT BRING YOUR WIFE ALONG AND GET A WONDERFUL BARGAIN?

Notice in health food shop window:
CLOSED DUE TO ILLNESS

Spotted in a safari park:
ELEPHANTS PLEASE STAY IN YOUR CAR

Seen during a conference:
FOR ANYONE WHO HAS CHILDREN AND DOESN'T KNOW IT, THERE IS A DAY CARE ON THE 1ST FLOOR

Notice in a farmer's field:
THE FARMER ALLOWS WALKERS TO CROSS THE FIELD FOR FREE, BUT THE BULL CHARGES.

On a repair shop door:
WE CAN REPAIR ANYTHING. (PLEASE KNOCK HARD ON THE DOOR - THE BELL DOESN'T WORK).

These are compliments of Chuck

What does eating pussy and working for the Mafia have in common?
One slip of the tongue and you are in deep shit!

The Lone Ranger and Tonto were fighting the Indians and it looked like they were the last barrier to keep the savages at bay.

"Well Tonto, it looks like we are it. The last hope for the towns people." says the Lone Ranger.

Tonto looks at him with a very concerned look and says, "What do you mean WE, Paleface?"